02 :: Stop Choosing It.
Anger is always a choice … the wrong choice.
Since 1998. On WP for 865 days.
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Anger is always a choice … the wrong choice.
Since 1998. On WP for 865 days.
Post feed | Comment feed | Photo feed
May 2nd, 2008 at 1:29 am EST
Anger is an amoral emotion.
It’s what you do with that emotion that makes it good or bad.
May 2nd, 2008 at 7:19 am EST
Not it my worldview … it’s an attitude. Calling it an emotion makes it passive and removes responsibility. But I believe that it is very possible to choose never to adopt an angry attitude. It may be more difficult to make this choice for those with certain chemical imbalances, though … and is certainly easier for a follower of Christ to make this choice.
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:44 am EST
Plus it’s just never worth it. People casually throw words around in anger that have such severe repurcussions in their relationships for years. Not to mention when you speak out of anger and it’s the last time you see that person alive, it’s just never worth it.
Thinking of choosing to not be angry makes me think of this Mister Rogers song
http://pbskids.org/rogers/songlist/song7_ra.html
Bethany L
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:47 am EST
But if you’ve been hurt, abandoned, abused. If you’ve been a victim, anger is the only thing you can hold on to.
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:58 am EST
I know it can seem that way. It’s much scarier to hold on to hope, to believe that there is living that doesn’t involve being hurt, abandoned, or abused. But coming from personal experience, the hard work it will take to let go of that anger over and over again is worth it. The other side of anger, when you choose to see the good in people, and you choose to hope in the face of what seems, or is, so terrible is a lovely place to be.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:17 am EST
You can have an ‘angry attitude’ you can also be ‘angry’. It’s not the same thing. If anger is not an emotion Lance, then what is an emotion?
Jesus was angry, and he never sinned.
So seems to me, anger and sin don’t have to go together (from a Biblical worldview.) There is room for a ‘righteous’ anger or indignation.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:33 am EST
i think anger can be healthy though.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:37 am EST
Do you believe there is such a thing as “righteous anger”? Does it make you angry to think about all the babies that are aborted each year? (It should.) Does it make you angry when you see other injustices? (It should.) Ephesians 4:26-27 seems to imply that being angry is just fine (or it would have said “anger is a choice that is always wrong”). Its what you DO with the anger and how you RESOLVE it that matter.
Do you think Jesus was angry in Matt 21:12-13 or Mark 11:15-17? If he was, then anger couldn’t be wrong in and of itself.
I agree with Steve.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:46 am EST
Im with Steve on this one. What you feel is what you feel. It is how you act that can be good or bad. Plus, anger is so easily confused with hurt. We mask our vulnerability with anger to protect ourselves from being hurt again and this often leads to action- which is when it goes wrong. Unfortunately, not everyone has a support system in thier lives that teaches them (or models for them) how to let it go - which is so sad - because Bethany is right, it is a lovely place to be.
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:10 pm EST
Of course, all of this is much more complicated and less linear than this conversation is currently allowing for … but it’s still pretty clear that I have a very different perspective on anger than y’alls. The basis for my argument was about control … and ironically, as soon as you guys start bringing morality or theology into the question, you’re immediately admitting that it is an issue of choice!
I cannot think of an incident in my life where anger has “happened” without me first making a conscious decision, either before or after the moment, to have that kind of attitude. So maybe I’m a freak … but I think that my lifestyle, values, and choices have a direct impact upon the situations where anger is present in my life. I just can’t imagine living a life where I had no control over the way I feel or choose to act … how robotic and hopeless that would be.
And frankly, I think that claiming that anger is involuntary is just a cop out. Pony up, yo … I know I need to.
May 2nd, 2008 at 1:11 pm EST
Biblically speaking, I don’t see any evidence of Jesus being angry. Even when he overturned the tables in the temple (in the two passages you refer to, HP), the scripture doesn’t say anything about anger. It simply describes Jesus taking an action that effectively speaks to people (a physical manifestation of His parables, if you will).
The Bible passage that is most often quoted to defend/justify anger is Ephesians 4:26 (New International Version):
Notice the punctuation … it’s a direct quotation of Psalms 4:4. Here are some other translations of that verse (unfortunately, I’m not smart enough to go to the original Hebrew):
Interesting, eh?
May 2nd, 2008 at 1:13 pm EST
i agree with steve.
May 2nd, 2008 at 1:45 pm EST
Hm. In your anger do not sin. Doesn’t that mean you can be angry and not sin, then? I just don’t see how your statement can be an absolute in a world that is mostly (but not all) shades of grey.
I would edit the last half of your post to say that anger is…Often a wrong choice.
Would you separate the ideas of mad and angry? Is there any type of other word you might be using that the others here are considering ‘anger’?
Personally, I don’t really know if you’re right or not; but in my experience with anger, I had a time (my father’s sudden death) when I didn’t realize I was angry and it manifested itself as intense sadness. When I did realize it was anger, the time for healing was able to come and I could get more to the source of my issue there. The way I got rid of it? Time and prayer. It just sort of dissipated into the wind.
May 2nd, 2008 at 2:28 pm EST
So Lance,
as a teacher and studier of how to effectivly communicate with others, would you say that everyone thinks the way you do with thought before emotion. Is there room for someone to emote a certain feeling without understanding it fully at that point? Isn’t that why we need counselors? What about the Myers-Briggs theory of how people deal with the world? I’m not saying there are those who have an excuse to not curb, or act on their feelings, but when do we account for different personalities and stages in development? Sorry, too much time writting my educational thesis.
May 2nd, 2008 at 5:27 pm EST
Hmm. I have mixed feelings about this.
For a long time I’ve said that I don’t believe in anger. (To clarify, I’m speaking of the emotion; certainly anger actions exist.) And, as others have alluded to, I think that people often choose anger rather than confronting the painful emotions they are actually feeling, whether hurt or frustration or fear or something.
And yet, does that then mean that everything we generally consider an emotion is a choice? If I choose not to be angry, am I then choosing hurt or fear instead? In that case, would those emotions also be wrong since I’m still not choosing hope or joy?
I do believe that emotions sometimes just are, and that, as such, they are amoral. And yet, there are often choice components to them, too. Hmm. Perhaps feelings shouldn’t be analyzed so much, but just experienced…
But Lance, I’m curious about the topic of this post: you don’t strike me as one to get angry easily. Is this something you’re actually struggling with at present, or are you simply trying to start a debate–er, lively discussion? Since you’re trying to be real and all…
May 2nd, 2008 at 5:37 pm EST
I’m tired of people I care about screwing their lives up by choosing to be angry.
May 2nd, 2008 at 8:01 pm EST
Does it make you angry when they screw their lives up?
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:24 pm EST
I am mad……
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:35 pm EST
Ah, so. Angry makes me tired, too, Lance. America is a wonderful place. If you do not like a word, just change its definition. Don’t like angry, be tired. OK.
May 3rd, 2008 at 1:08 am EST
I like being angry, sometimes. It lets me vent my frustration.
Then again, i might not be angry at that point. I might be something else, but I don’t know what to call it. But I will call it angry, because thats what I know it as.
I always thought that God got angry at the Israeli’s for going astray, in the Old T.
Is it wrong though?
Dually, If anger is a choice, is Love?
May 3rd, 2008 at 3:37 pm EST
Paul:
Mad I am. Do you like Green Eggs and Ham???
May 3rd, 2008 at 4:05 pm EST
i think there is a difference between the experience of anger, and being an angry person.
May 4th, 2008 at 12:00 pm EST
I could go on and on (just ask my husband) but I will boil my response down to three points:
Anger is an emotion that is useful for identifying problems - it’s not typically useful for solving them.
I loved Bethany L.’s reference to the Mr. Rogers song. The whole point of the show in which he sang that song was to recognize the reality that everybody feels angry sometimes… let’s figure out the right choices to make when that emotion arises.
Lance, I can’t wait until you have a three year old. Better yet, multiples that turn three.
Okay I can’t resist a fourth point: Lance, if you want to be a person who helps bring the peace of Christ into other’s lives, sometimes validating their emotions can be a very helpful tool to guide them to making the right choice.
May 4th, 2008 at 12:03 pm EST
> I could go on and on
She could, and she is… but she’s right too.
May 6th, 2008 at 1:30 pm EST
It makes me sad that some of the people I care about most in my life let anger rule their actions and sour their lives. They’re becoming bitter, angry people, and I would love to get them out of that situation.
I wonder (living in the land of Narnia as I do) if when Aslan roared there was anger in it? He roared at the white witch when she questioned if he would keep his word… sometimes when I’m angry, it moves me to action. The anger morphs into a catalyst for change, a determination of sorts.
Good choice of post. It would be nice if all these thoughts help you find a way to reach out to those in your life whose lives are being ruined by anger, wouldn’t it? I hope it does!
May 6th, 2008 at 3:09 pm EST
Well, Sarah … if even one person reads this and decides to make a change in the way he manages anger, it will have been worth every second. And judging from a couple of the emails and phone calls that I’ve received about this topic so far, it’s fair to say that it’s happening.
After ten years of blogging, you can bet that there’s purpose here. I wouldn’t waste my (and your) time if there wasn’t.
May 7th, 2008 at 5:36 pm EST
This topic definately made me think. I even spoke to some friends about it, just to see what they thought…
Keep on scrolling them out…