23 :: If you fear a crooked shadow, stand straight.
I used to live tentatively, gingerly tiptoeing around other people in conversations and choices. I’d apologize profusely whenever I felt that I might be inconveniencing them … then apologize again for apologizing. It really was ridiculous … in my efforts to be kind and upright, I just lost my spine and often ended up inadvertently offending people.
Now I think I’ve swung to the other end of the spectrum … I try to say “yes” and “no” definitively, to be confident in my opinions, and to walk forward with conviction and assurance. Rather than always fear what other people might think or worry about how my reputation might be affected, I now try to trust my gut and stand for Truth. Sure, it might make me seem like a harsher person on the surface … but I think I’m ok with that.
And I hope that my shadow, in the process, is following suit.
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:58 am EST
I’m undoubtedly reading too much into this, but it sounds as though you’re directing this towards me… Hmm. At any rate, I do believe I have a lot to learn from you my friend.
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:21 am EST
Nah, there’s no “direction” … I’m just talkin’ about where I’ve been and where I’m at. Truthfully, some people liked me better when I was “gentler”. But speaking the truth in love is harder than it seems!
May 23rd, 2008 at 11:03 pm EST
I’m loving this side of you…don’t stop.
Any person who leads himself with strength regularly will be accused of being arrogant, proud, not-humble-enough, or unloving. Don’t fall for it. What most people mean when they question the “love” part of truth-speak from a friend or family memebr is that they did not ENJOY their experience with you of the truth-telling and receiving cycle.
As to speaking the truth in love….in my humble and loving opinion, if there is to be error, err on the side of getting all the truth out even if you are deficient in getting the loving expression just right. The “in love” part is a matter of the heart and those who know you and are in the best position to see your heart, will hear love in your truth-speaking. Others are likely not to hear the “love” they want or need regardless of how you package it. It is truth received and acted upon sets people free - someone important said that.
Truth spoken with great clarity and simplicity, between people committed to each other’s well being, is one of the most loving things anyone can do fo another. (Close on the heels of that is speaking the truth then letting your hearer decide what to do with the truth versus your demanding that they act in your proferred way on the truth you gave them).
Let your yes be yes…and no be no. Love it (true-er words have rarely been spoken).
By the way…really enjoying reading your thoughts on holy and whole sexuality. Lauren Winners writes well on the topic. With sex (as with other Christian hot buttons issues), we have got to move away from the “gospel of sin management” toward a passionate embracing of our God. Passionately pursuing Him is so much more healthy than obsessing over the boundaries for ourselves and others.
Your wife will be blessed - so will you.
ben
www.4cornerschurch.com