While doing some random web searching, I found some of my old, old webpages. Included was the following testimony, which I wrote … well, sometime around 1998 or 1999.

Breath. It sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? We all breath, it’s something we don’t usually have to worry about, unless if we’re stuck underwater or giving birth or something (not that I’ve worried about that particular situation at all…). And yet, through the automatic reflex-like nature of breathing, we find that it is one of the most vital things about life! Life cannot exist without breath. So are we taking it for granted? It obviously exists, whether we notice it or not. It’s got to be more than the mere physiological movement of air through our bodies, a complicated biological process.

I have always been keenly aware that I am alive in more than just the physical sense. There’s a part of me, I suppose you could call it my soul, that seems to be attached to my body yet independent from it. And I’ve always wondered how this soul that is me got stuck inside this body that is Lance. Why am I not in a starving child in Mexico or a dirty old cow grazing in Afghanistan? I still don’t know that, but I do know that there is much more to life here on this earth than living and dying and moving up this ladder we call “success” or “happiness.”

But without an understanding or even a knowledge of this life, what is the point of it? It may exist, whether I know it or not, but if I take it for granted what real impact does it have upon my existence? These kind of questions, when you really think about it, trivialize life. They make me feel like everything I’m doing is worthless, like everything is chasing after the wind or sucking milk through a straw cut in half. It seriously used to make me feel dead, or at least irrelevant!

Well, I couldn’t let that happen. After all, what good is it being physically alive if my soul is dead? So I began to search when I was about 15 years old. I looked at my life and noticed that everything about me was dirty. Whenever I was faced with a decision, I constantly had to fight filthy desires, whether they be selfish, lustful, proud, arrogant, or simply apathetic. My head and my heart always seemed to default to sin, no matter where I turned. Now, I’m not saying that I was even a bad kid or anything, I just could see the obvious sinful nature that this soul of mine has. So, after a couple months, I began to look outside of myself.

I won’t go into all of the places where I turned, because they’re simply not relevant. One of the most natural places for me to look, though, was in the church. I had grown up in the church, a family thing, and knew all there was to know. All the old testament stories, all the hymns, all the necessary verses, and all the right people. I had always known that church was a given, but had never really been taught about the crux of what Christianity is all about: grace.

It was at the AC Midwest Church Camp in 1994 that I first heard about grace, and it changed my life. You see, they explained my heart that night. They explained to my face that I was sinful, that there was nothing I could do to get over the dirtiness that my life was. They knew that I felt separated from the answer, separated from the Truth. They said out loud what it was like to wake up on Saturday feeling the same as I did the Saturday before, not knowing why I even woke up in the first place. They didn’t stop at this hopelessness, though. They went on to tell a story I had heard countless times before; the story of Jesus.

You see, Jesus is the Son of God. I always knew those words, but never knew what they meant. It means that he is Holy, just like the Creator of the world around us. It means he is pure and blameless, perfect as a man can be. And the reason why Jesus came down to earth some 2,000 years ago was to die! Imagine that. If this Jesus really was God, why on earth would he come down here where all the filth was? Wouldn’t that make Him shrivel up or something? But, according to the Bible, Jesus came down and became sin, merely so that we might become the righteousness of God. He came down as a bridge between the sinful nature of Lance and the Holy Nature of God. And through Jesus I was offered the gift of life. All I had to do was believe in His Name, believe that He is the ONLY way to God. This was the Truth I had been searching for.

Now, when I first heard this gift offering, I was naturally cynical. I wanted to search for strings, to see how “free” it really was. But something inside of me told me that I merely needed to believe, to take a step of faith. So I did, with nothing to lose. I bowed my head and surrendered my attempts to figure it all out. And just like that, it was gone. The weight was lifted off of my back and I felt free. Truly free.

Ever since, I can truly say that I have been alive. Joy, hope, peace, and freedom have filled my heart. It’s not the temporary joy of a child’s smile or the easy feeling you get with a warm embrace. No, it’s much more than that. It’s not just something that keeps me going when I need it. No, it’s much more than that. I’m not talking about something that encourages me or lifts me out of despair. No, it’s much more than that. I’m not talking about some radical one-time-life-changing event. No, it’s much more than that. Now what on earth could do this; what could be this breath?

I’d love to take this to some really deep levels now, you know, get all philosophical and theological and stuff. But I’ll save that for later. I have a feeling that I need to just keep it simple right here. So let me break down what I’m trying to say into some pretty simple Truths, things I know for sure because I have seen them in my own life. Here it is:

1. I am dirty by nature. I see that all over within me. I constantly have to fight these horrible thoughts, these dirty desires. I know this for a fact because I know what is in my head and my heart. It’s sinful stuff, and it just leaves me guilty, dirty feeling.
2. There is a God that is Holy and Pure. This Purity cannot exist in the presence of filth such as me. I see this purity in nature all around me. I see it talked about in the Bible and have repeatedly seen the Bible proven out just in my daily life. So there’s this Holy God, living all around me, and yet I can’t be really convinced without some kind of direct contact with my life.
3. So, somehow, this Purity started looking at my filth and decided to make a swap. Jesus, the pure and holy Son of God, came to this earth some 2,000 years ago and became sin, so that I could become the righteousness of God. Now I don’t claim to understand this or even know the facts of the case. I simply know that I was offered a free gift, a gift of life.
4. So I accepted the gift. I believed that Jesus Christ is the only way to Life. This original acceptation was purely out of faith. Faith not only that God exists, but that everything that is written within the Bible is completely true.
5. Now I am different. I am clean, renewed, hopeful. Free. I feel free. And because of this initial step of faith, I have been given the opportunity to grow in faith ever since. I know that with each passing day I am drawing closer to the Truths found in the Bible, the Truth that first purchased that sinful soul of mine.

If I have to boil it down to the most elemental, selfish, and simple terms, it’s still a reality. I am joyful and at peace. Total peace. If you can offer me anything in this world, anything at all, that will give me greater happiness, I’ll drop everything and follow you. Really! The offer stands.

So this brings up a question I have for you. What do you have that can make me happier than Jesus? Seriously, man, what is there? Is there some secret you’ve found that is fulfilling your life right now, that’s relieving all of your worries? I’m not some anal retentive religious guru that wants to force what I believe on you. No, rather, I’d like to hear what you believe and how that practically changes your life! Maybe it could change mine too! So tell me, what makes you happy? And how long does this happiness last?

I don’t want to use this page as a soapbox to preach my religion. I just can’t keep it inside of me. I want to shout it out and tell everyone I know, it’s only natural. Know why? Because I’m a cheapskate, and this gift is TOTALLY FREE! Check it out. Tell me what you think, what questions you might have. Tell me what I’m missing, what doesn’t make sense. I’m all about figuring it out. But man, let me tell you, does it feel good to say some of that, even if no one hears. It’s hard to hold your breath no matter how hard you try!

Posted to webeldotnet on Sunday, April 30th, 2006 at 9:55 pm EST in Faith & webeldotnet & My Life (comment feed). If you refer to this post on your blog, please trackback. Thanks!