“If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there’s no question — stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can’t imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you’d never have to face otherwise.”

– Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage

“Trying to understand men gets confusing. Yet, just to put this out there, I once heard in one of my classes that when trying to understand the differences between the thought processes of guys and girls, it’s like waffles and spaghetti. While guys focus on one pocket of information at at time, girls thoughts are interconnected and run together like spaghetti noodles.”

– Kim Miller

People sometimes ask me if I have an actual list of things that I look for in a girl. For a long time I didn’t, mostly because I figured that a successful relationship was a lot more about giving than it was about getting. So I put aside thinking about who I wanted to be with and instead made a list about who I wanted to be. In some ways, it was a healthy approach … it kept my focus in the right place and, frankly, steered me away from some unhealthy relationships.

Even so, it’s been pretty easy, over the years, to notice which characteristics attract me and which are uniquely suited to my needs and gifts. And eventually, as I started to realize how screwed up this area of my life was, I began to see how valuable it was to be more aware of where I’d like to head and to be more proactive in how I chose to get there. Making a list was just a logical part of that process … so I did!

And now, for some strange reason, I feel like it’s a good time to give y’all a sneak peek into what makes me tick. So here it is … my list.

===== What I Look For in a Girl =====

THE EMOTIONAL
gentle and compassionate
joyous, loves to laugh with abandon
genuinely longs to be loved
stable and relatively rational
comfortable with risk and sacrifice
vulnerable, feels things deeply

THE PRACTICAL
thrives on adventure and wildness
leaves things (and people) better than she found them
advocates for those without a voice
makes intimacy relevant (brings sexy back)
communicates with kids on their level
truly listens

THE LIFESTYLE
pursues eternity first
practices lordship and fleshes out scripture
lives simply and frugally
would travel or even live abroad
loves her family and wants to raise her own

THE PHYSICAL
sensitive and sensual
deep eyes that connect
cuddle-maniac
moves like an athlete
slender body, elegant back and neck, soft lobes
hands and lips that make me melt
eager to be wild in bed

THE CHEMISTRY
ruthlessly challenges me on my idiocy
helps to stretch and soften my spirit
encourages my hunger for righteousness
makes me want to lead her through the storm
can both keep up with me and slow me down
makes my heart do that thing

Keep in mind that these aren’t “requirements” or “must-haves”, they’re simply characteristics that catch my eye. And this list is organic … as I discover new things about myself, this world, and my God, this list will continue to grow and change.

So what do you think?

You think I’d have it down by now
Been practicin’ for thirty years
I should have walked a thousand miles
So what am I still doin’ here
Reachin’ out for that same old piece of forbidden fruit
I slip and fall and I knock my halo loose
Somebody tell me what’s a boy supposed to do?

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You’re sayin’ You love me
And You’re still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
‘Cause You’re makin’ me holy
You’re still makin’ me holy, yeah

I’m gonna get it right this time
I’ll be strong and I’ll make You proud
I’ve prayed that prayer a thousand times
But the rooster crows and my tears roll down (again)
Then You remind me You made me from the dust
And I can never, no never, be good enough
And that You’re not gonna let that come between us

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You’re sayin’ You love me
And You’re still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
‘Cause You’re makin’ me holy
You’re still makin’ me holy, yeah

From where I stand
Your holiness is up so high I can never reach it
My only hope is to fall on Jesus

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You’re sayin’ You love me
And You’re still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
‘Cause You’re makin’ me holy
You’re still makin’ me holy, yeah

– Chris Rice

Congratulations, my dear friends … I’ve known each of you a long time, and I can’t wait to see what’s ahead. Onward and upward!

The way I see it, my body has three purposes.

1. To highlight my Creator. I was made in His image, and I’m His workmanship … I reflect His creativity and passion, and my body, in general, is beautiful. Not that a skinny, hairy, goofy-looking fella like me is particularly “attractive” … but I’ve definitely got some amazing stuff in me (mitochondria, passions, an immune system, a spirit that connects with Eternity, loads of snot, etc). And it’s right for me to look at another one of His creations and see something beautiful or lovely … anyone who says otherwise simply doesn’t understand how to worship (and probably has a pretty unhealthy self-image to boot).
2. To temporarily house me. This body is a flimsy tent, a container that is designed to fall apart. As I go through this mortal life, it breaks down … and I shouldn’t be surprised when sickness, injury, disease, and death all have their way with it (or with the bodies of the people I love). In fact, when that stuff happens it once again highlights our Creator! Nope, I wasn’t meant to live in this body forever … but I was meant to groan for freedom from it, for the Eternity that has started in my heart and will continue when I die. In the meantime, however, I should take care of my body … it’s His temple. To pursue His kingdom, I need to be healthy and alive and able to give!
   
3. To give her pleasure. Let’s face it … most men are just plain ugly. But if my Smeagol-looking self is somehow sexy to the one I love, then she can have all of me. If she wants me bald, I’ll get bald. If she wants me buff, I’ll get buff. I’ll wear the clothes she thinks are attractive, shave or grow a beard as she desires, get really skinny or put on the pounds, and pierce or tattoo myself to high heaven … if it pleases her. And I’ll do everything that I can to learn to serve her physically and sexually with my body … ’cause God designed us to fit together.

Wouldn’t you agree?

When is divorce the right (or “acceptable”) choice in a marriage?

How can a person who has chosen to remain abstinent until marriage find a sexually compatible mate?

One of my hurdlers this year has a lot of potential … but her confidence level is really really low. I often catch her standing there on the track for minutes, totally immobilized by fear and overwhelmed by distractions. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has a history of falling … a lot of memories of risks that just didn’t turn out very well or times when others let her down.

I’m the same way with love … I think that I’ll eventually be pretty good at it, but I’m simply terrible at getting over that first hurdle. I don’t really know how to discern what’s real and what’s not … to figure out who’s worth chasing. And when I do seem to get that right, I always end up falling flat on my face. I’m a total loser … never in my life have the time, place, and person lined up well.

And I wonder if my repeated tumbles have left me immobilized too.

“God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness.”

– Genesis 1:4

“God called the dry ground ‘land,’ and the gathered waters he called ’seas.’ And God saw that it was good.”

– Genesis 1:10

“The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.”

– Genesis 1:12

“He also made the stars. God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good.”

– Genesis 1:17-18

“So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.”

– Genesis 1:21

“God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.”

– Genesis 1:25

“God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.”

– Genesis 1:31

“The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”

– Genesis 2:18

When giving a small present to a female friend, don’t put it in a ring box (unless if it’s actually a ring). It doesn’t matter how well it fits … just trust me on this one.

“Your spouse’s bills are yours and yours are yours.”

– From my latest fortune cookie

“Teacher Lance, I think you are eunuch.”

– A Junior 2 student (she was trying to say “unique”)

“I am still about a light mile away from judging women and their antics. Gimme a dog, I can understand that a dog is hungry, it is biting my leg.”

– David Y. on German “bar chicks”