In China, many of the delicious dishes you could order in restaurants were fat-based. And I’m talking just fat … not pork or beef or anything like that, but straight up cooked fat and veggies. It was actually pretty delicious, but it took a little while to get used to.

One time when I went to the doctor for some skin problems (mostly from the polluted and damp air), he actually prescribed it … I had to eat about a fist-worth of lard every day for two weeks. Mmm … scrumptious!

Funny, sure. But it does raise some big questions, I think. We’re told, over and over, that eating fat is bad for you … but almost every dish in Hunan (where I lived) was soaked in oil and fat, and the people were, by and large (pun intended), incredibly skinny!

So where do we get our strong ideas about diet and nutrition, and how accurate are they? Are we just taking the word of the food industry, which some say is the second-largest industry in America (behind pharmaceuticals)? It has thousands of lobbyists and unbelievable marketing budgets … should we be connecting those dots a little more?

So … I was just awoken from a deep sleep by the sound of my phone’s alarm in the other room. By instinct, I hurriedly got up and followed the noise, hoping to turn it off before it woke up the tenants upstairs.

When I got to the piano bench, where I had left the phone, I suddenly heard a tremendously loud crash, felt my nose go numb, and looked up to find myself flat on the floor.

Wha?

Turns out that I had gotten up a little too quickly … I had passed out, fallen face-first into the bench, and sent it (and myself) crashing to the floor. And as the numbness started to spread to the rest of my face, I had a valuable epiphany … summer mornings are supposed to be s.l.o.w.

Today I drove halfway to school before realizing that I was still wearing my slippers. I had to turn around and drive all the way back to get my shoes … but now I kinda wish that I hadn’t. My feet would’ve been much happier!

Every three or four weeks during my year in China, I would go to the local salon for some special treatment. They’d shampoo it up, massage my scalp and shoulders, cut my hair, shampoo and massage it again, clean out my ears (and eyes, if I wanted), blow dry my hair, and style it however I wanted. An hour of pampered service … for two dollars and fifty cents!

Now it’s just me and my clippers in the bathroom on a Friday night.

Every autumn, my school lets the students out early one Friday afternoon for a huge extended outdoor party called Fall Festival. Students from all four schools come to the middle school backyard, tons of rides and games and prizes are brought out, and a good time is had by all.

For my contribution, I always pull out my old Glee Club tuxedo, red tie and all, and take a one-hour shift in the dunking booth. It’s pretty fun … after hearing my taunts about their bad aim and seeing my over-confidence all week, my students show up in droves to humiliate me, over and over. This year they were particularly accurate … I must’ve been dunked over a hundred times!

I was searching for some information about my school on Google News today when I stumbled upon a few shots of me in the dunk tank on the Cincinnati Enquirer website. Nothing too special, but it’s always fun to accidentally find yourself online!

There’s a moth in my shower. How is that possible?

As I was eating lunch outside at work today, I noticed one of my coworkers coming into the school dressed to the hilt. I had never before seen him in a suit, let alone one as nice as this one … so I had to tease him a little.

I yelled, “Wow … why so spiffy, Gilbert? Did someone die?”

The other teachers chuckled a little … then he stopped, looked up, and said, “Yeah.” Apparantly, he was coming from a funeral.

I’m just glad that Gilbert has a sense of humor.

My cousin Erica has encouraged me to write more stories online. She’s right … my busyness and disinterest lately have turned this blog into a blahg. Hopefully this choice morsel will help.

A couple of days ago, I was going to the post office to mail two packages back to America (a four-hour ordeal that deserves its own story). I carried one of the packages to the front gate of my school, returning a couple of minutes later to retrieve the second package. When I entered my apartment through the door that I had left ajar, however, I heard someone moving in my bedroom.

Now in America, I would have been pretty cautious and “smart” in this situation. In China, however, I’ve become pretty bold … I’m generally bigger, stronger, and louder than everyone else, so I’m rarely afraid of confrontations. Plus, people simply don’t have guns. So I immediately walked toward my bedroom to take care of the problem.

As I entered my office, I saw a little girl, about 6 or 7 years old, pulling up her shorts and underwear. Ok … weird. I looked at her face to try to gauge what was happening, and I saw that she was a little surprised, but not scared at all … in fact, she was smiling pretty broadly, like she was proud of herself.

Then I looked down and saw the puddle.

Yeah … this random little girl was grinning because she had just had peed on the floor in the middle of my office! I was pretty helpless … I couldn’t ask her any questions or talk to her about it or anything. So I took her hand and said, “wo men zo” (let’s go), walking her outside towards the front gate of the school, where I was going to try to explain to the guards what had happened and find out where she belonged.

During our walk, I noticed that her demeanor was calm … she still wasn’t frightened at all, as most children would be when “caught” like that, especially by a foreigner. She just looked around and smiled. In a way, her behavior actually reminded me the children with autism who I worked with in college.

As I tried to empathize with her bizarre behavior, we rounded a corner and ran into a man who I could immediately tell was her father. He asked her where she had been (she didn’t answer) then thanked me profusely. And that was that. All I could do was walk home and continue my day, as if nothing had ever happened.

At least I hadn’t yet given away my mop. Or my bleach.

Weddings are sometimes a pain for me. All of the grandmas poke me and say, “You’re next!”

Now I know what to do. I’m going to start doing it to them at funerals.

Today I started keeping track of how many mosquitos I assassinated in my apartment. I have thirty seven confirmed kills.

Someone told me yesterday that “my style looks like Elvis”.

This morning as I walked to class, a group of junior one (sixth grade) students ran up to me and started yelling, “Haaa-looooo, lao-wai!” (”Hello, foreigner!”). One of them was smoking, right in my face, with no shame or fear or second thoughts … so I threw his cancer stick on the ground and forcefully dragged him to the office to turn him in. When I reported his actions to the teacher, she simply asked him his name and said, “Students are not allowed to smoke on campus.”

I politely smiled then walked to class … where for 45 minutes I confronted junior one students who were eating, drawing on desks, passing notes, talking in Chinese, throwing pens at each other, and reading pornographic books. During my class.

Ah, finally … things are getting back to normal around here!

After four days of close priorities and careful energy-rationing, I think I’m finally ready to post something about the collossal, insurmountable beast that was the Great Wall Marathon. Thanks for your patience.

As you probably know, my training for this marathon really went south in the last two months, leaving me very unprepared for the big race. I had only run about once per week, I had to battle an assortment of injuries and illnesses, and I fell and messed up both shins and my neck during my last workout. As a result, I really had to crack down and focus in the few remaining days, going for daily massages, being extremely careful about my rest and diet, and doing a lot of research online about marathon training and strategy.

The travel to Beijing went off without a hitch … I arrived there two days early and met Travis, another WorldTeach teacher from Hunan. We chilled for a day then met up with fellow volunteers Kate, Heidi, Natalie, Kathryn, and our lone fan, Rick. We had a good meal the night before the race then went to bed as early as we could to prepare for our 1:15am wakeup. Yep … we had to catch a three hour shuttle out to the Great Wall in time for the early morning start!

Despite the obstacles, I felt great on race day. I am, by nature, a performer … and my many years of test-taking, quasi-leadership roles, classroom teaching, and generally flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants had prepared me well for the build-up to a “big day”. I was mentally prepared, emotionally excited, physically rested, and spiritually challenged.

For the first eight miles, I ran with Kate, the other WorldTeach volunteer running the full marathon (the others were in the half marathon). The first three miles were a steady uphill climb … so we took it fairly slow, rising up the mountainside at about a 10 or 11 minute pace. We walked on the really steep parts and generally enjoyed the beautiful scenery and each other’s company. Kate was a lovely person to run with!

At mile 3, we hit the Great Wall … and the whole race turned into a big bottleneck. The two-mile section that we would be running (twice) was rather steep, narrow, and even dangerous at parts, so for the first time through we basically walked each of the thousands of stairs. It was a little rough on my knees, as we had to go very slow up and down the stairs (and I have relatively long legs), but I managed to get through it ok.

Two miles later, we finished the first loop of the course and passed by the start/finish line. We looked around for Rick, our lone fan, but didn’t see him as we passed the crowds. I was really disappointed … Rick was supposed to catch a public bus up to the town where we were running to see us, but he apparantly didn’t make it. As we ran out onto the road, however, we saw him … and he quickly snapped a few photos of Kate and I running and spilling drink all over ourselves. I’m sure I’ll get those photos eventually …

The next three miles were pretty flat. We ran out of the town and to some nearby villages, passing many locals who excitedly shouted “Hello” and “Jia You” (”add oil”, the typical Chinese sports cheer) as we passed. It was fun talking to them as we ran by, and their encouragement at every turn really helped a lot!

The course itself was well-marked, manned by friendly middle school students, and stocked at regular intervals with water, wet sponges, electrolytes, and medical staff. It was well organized … I was even able to send some energy bars and electrolytes ahead to specific parts of the course for some much-needed nutrition!

But soon I was able to see how the wall had taken its toll on my body … though my spirits were high and my energy even higher, my left knee began to ache steadily with each step. I could tell that it wasn’t going to go away … so by the time we got to mile eight I simply had to take a break. I waved goodbye to Kate as she disappeared into the distance then grabbed a drink and took a walk.

For the next three or four miles, I alternated jogging and walking, doing my best to keep going while trying to protect my knee as much as possible. I tried to distract myself with the dozens of interesting people I was meeting in the race … but lurking beneath everything was the steadily increasing pain in my knee. In reality, I had never run more than ten consecutive miles in my life, so I really had no idea what was ahead of me.

At about mile 12, I had to stop jogging … possibly for good. My knee was really in pain, and if I wanted to have any chance of finishing this race, I couldn’t jolt it around any more. So I walked. I met several very interesting people along the way who were walking too … one housewife from California strolled across the halfway point (13.1 miles) with me as we chatted.

Then I got to the top of a long hill, and I decided to use my momentum to jog down it as lightly as possible. That was a bad idea. By the time I got to the bottom of the hill, I found that my left knee was utterly useless … I couldn’t even stand on it! I was in so much pain, and the nearest medical station was, from my memory, about half a mile away. So I found a patch of shade and sat down, hoping for a miracle.

A passing runner noticed my pain and asked if I needed some aspirin, while another actually had a small tube of Ben Gay sports cream that she offered to me. I graciously accepted both and found that these miraculous western medicines gave new life to my knee, allowing me to walk to the next pit stop!

When I arrived, however, I found that the doctor was not in. The ambulance had taken another injured runner to the start and hadn’t returned in over 20 minutes. I was hoping to get some advice and maybe a wrap for my knee, but after waiting for another fifteen minutes, I decided to just go on my merry way. The next medical station was about two or three miles away, and to be honest, I didn’t want someone telling me to stop.

So I walked. And walked. And walked. When the knee hurt too bad, I started skipping on my right foot. After a while, I actually developed a new mode of transportation … it went something like this:

1. Step with the left foot.
2. Step with the right foot.
3. Step with the left foot.
4. Hop twice with the right foot.
5. Repeat.

Eventually, my right ankle started hurting from the extra toll of this new walk/skip strategy. So by the time I got to the next medical station, I had yet another thing to complain about. I took one look at the doctor’s gentle and caring eyes, however, and I knew what I had to say …

“How far to the wall?” I asked.

Yep, I didn’t tell him that I was hurt. I could tell, you see, that he was the type of person that would force me to stop and call it quits … so I mustered up everything I had and acted like nothing was wrong. He couldn’t really answer my question, so I grabbed some water and went hobbling off into the distance.

Some simple math, however, told me that I wouldn’t hit the wall again until mile 21. That meant another 5-6 miles of walking on a bad knee and bum ankle … and to make matters worse, I knew that they closed the wall at the six hour mark. So I had to finish those 5-6 miles in about two hours or I would be forced to stop the race!

I dug in … and to make a long story short, I did it! I made back to the wall at about 5 hours and 30 minutes, full of energy but with little strength left in my legs. I was greeted enthusiastically by my friends, who had already finished the half-marathon … but I hurridly explained to them that I still had five miles to go and I needed some medical attention!

So Rick and I went into the medical tent and I asked them to wrap up my knee and my ankle. If I could just get some more support, I told them, I thought I could finish the race. So they wrapped me up … and after a funny little photoshoot with Rick, I went on my way.

The next two miles were absolutely brutal. It was the same stretch of the Great Wall that I had climbed at the beginning of the race, but in reverse … and at the get-go, I was greeted with a long never-ending flight of stone stairs. It was literally over a thousand of them … straight up! So I pushed the pain into the back of my mind and got into a rhythm, pushing myself up each stair as methodically as I could.

I found, throughout these two miles, that I was actually one of the fastest climbers on the wall. Even with my injuries, I passed dozens and dozens of people, many of whom were resting wearily or literally crawling on their hands and knees up the steep stairs. A few people needed medical attention, and I was able to use my limited Mandarin to communicate with the locals and help them to get what they needed.

So once I got into a rhythm, going up was actually pretty easy for me, especially if I used my arms to push down on my knees as I climbed. But going down … now that was the hard part. It hurt so bad to descend, either on stairs or on an incline, that I was forced to be creative. Sometimes I sat and scootched down the steep stairs, sometimes I leaned heavily on the walls, and eventually I figured out that the best way was to simply walk backwards as gingerly as possible. So I did!

I exited the two mile stretch of wall at about 6 hours and 45 minutes, fueled by momentum and bent on getting to the finish line. But there was one big obstacle in the way … that three-mile hill that Kate and I went up at the beginning of the race. Only this time, it was backwards … and I already knew how badly it hurt to go downhill!

To make matters worse, I knew that they closed the race at the eight hour mark. So I essentially had an hour and fifteen minutes to somehow get three miles downhill with no ankle and no knee. I wasn’t sure how it was going to happen, but I knew it would … so I re-wrapped both appendages, said a quick prayer, did some stretches, popped in my headphones, and set out.

To my surprise, I was able to find a pace and stride that barely hurt … it was slow, but I was pretty sure that it would work! So I turned up the music and sang along. And time after time, I was amazed by the appropriateness of the songs that came onto my iPod.

I’m not afraid to fall
It means I climbed up high
To fall is not to fail
You fail when you don’t try …

[Get Up, by Superchick]

I sang along at the top of my lungs as I walked, enjoying the fresh mountain air and the freedom that I felt. All of the locals cracked up as I passed, and I think I actually scared some of the other runners as they descended the hill past me.

You’re on the verge of a miracle, just standing there
You’re on the verge of a miracle, just waiting to be believed in
Open your eyes and see … you’re on the verge of a miracle …

[Verge of a Miracle, by Rich Mullins]

Then, as I neared the bottom of the hill, the perfect song came on:

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up
And long ago somebody left with the cup
But he’s driving, and striving, and hugging the turns
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns
He’s going the distance …

[Going the Distance, by Cake]

Indeed. And at seven hours, fourty one minutes, and thirty seconds, I crossed the finish line.

• Four hours and eighteen minutes after the winner.
• 39th out of 39 finishers in my age group.
• 267th out of 274 male finishers.
• 385th out of 397 total finishers.

But my goal wasn’t to win.
My goal was to finish.
And I dominated that goal!

[all photos via GWM]

Well, here we go … after I finish my last class today, I’ll take a bus to Changsha, where I’ll spend the night before flying to Beijing in the morning. There are about two and a half days until the marathon, and now there’s no turning back.

Yesterday morning, I decided to evaluate my progress. Even though I had run only once per week in the last six weeks, I felt like I was finally healthy again, over the sicknesses and injuries and busy schedule that had made the last two months so challenging. I knew that my body wasn’t quite prepared, but I felt confident and optimistic about my ability to go out there and run my best on Saturday. I felt great!

I decided to do one last workout, to test out my race day clothes and to give my muscles one more chance to loosen up before the race. So I got suited up and went out for a one hour run, separated at intervals by some steps in my school’s stadium. About fifteen minutes into the run, I felt strong, bounding up the steps with lots of confidence and energy.

Then I slipped. I fell forward, hitting both of my legs on the tiled stairs and catching myself with my right hand … not good. Both of my shins were cut and bruised, and I could immediately tell that I pulled a muscle in my neck … the same muscle that used to immobilize me for weeks at a time in college.

So, for the past day I’ve been nursing the injuries, spraying Yunnan Bayou on my legs, getting neck massages, and resting as much as possible. I’m feeling much better now, and I’m pretty confident that I’ll be near 100% on Saturday … but it was still pretty scary. Just leave it to me to do something stupid like that four days before the race!

As far as the marathon itself goes, I’m planning to run it intelligently. I’ll start off quite slow, hopefully running with some of the other WorldTeach volunteers who are also coming up to Beijing. Several of them are doing the half-marathon, so I should be able to stick with them and keep myself distracted for the first 10 or 12 miles. I plan to walk as many of the stairs as possible, taking my time on the difficult terrain and letting my body retain as much energy as possible. I’ve been doing a lot of research on training and techniques, and I’m pretty sure that I understand what my body will be going through as I push through the race.

And don’t worry … if I reach that limit, that place where it would be harmful or stupid to continue, I will stop. This isn’t a test of my manliness or a physical manifestation of my ability to commit … it’s a simple race. My “performance” on that big wall is much less important than the tremendous generosity that so many of you have shown through your donations to the children of Loudi. That’s the real story here!

With that being said … I still want to wait until after the race to announce the results of the fundraising efforts, in case if any of you are still thinking of donating to help the orphans of Loudi, my city. To read more about the effort and see how you can get involved, just click here!

I probably won’t be online at all in the next few days … I’m going to chill at my hostel, reading and watching movies and controling my physical activity as much as possible. I’ll schedule some automatic posts, though, to keep y’all entertained. And when it’s over, I’ll be sure to jump online and let y’all know how it went!

Onward!

This morning we woke up around 8:30, had some breakfast, then caught a cab to the middle of Loudi. We had noticed a traveling circus the day before and decided to check out the festivities … for a dollar!

The show was crazy … it featured a dozen fearless children and teens who had been highly trained in acrobatics, tightrope, unicycle, horse-riding, rope swinging, and several other feats of fantasmicocity. It had one ring and was under a giant tent … and it was quite obvious that all of the equipment was decades old. Safety first!

Near the end of the show, a couple of the kids ran out into the crowd and pulled me into the ring, motioning me to sit inside a giant copper pot. They then proceeded to lift the pot onto a girl’s feet … and she literally spun me around, juggling me with her legs. You can’t see it in the photo below, but a small boy actually climbed onto the pot at one point as she spun it around!

[BARREL OF FUN, BY LANCE WEBEL]

After the exciting show, we went to the local park to enjoy the beautiful day and relax a bit in the shade. We thought about taking an electric boat ride, but decided instead to go and get an early lunch. We tried a new restaurant and were very satisfied with their eggplant, potato, tofu, and beef dishes … all for about $5.

Next, we walked a couple of miles to the bowling alley for some pin-pushing fun. We even bought some socks on the way because we were all wearing sandals … but when we arrived, we discovered that the electricity was out! Bummed, we instead took a cab to Loudi’s walking street, a brand-new shopping area with lots of upscale shops.

After walking around for a little while, I finally convinced my parents to go get a foot massage with me. So after playing a quick game of hoops in an arcade we passed, we went to the best foot massage parlor in town.

The massage I ordered was top of the line ($5) … it included a couple of foot washings, a long and steady kneading of the feet, traditional medicine, a body massage, and the highlight … a portion where they put towels on our shins, soaked them in alcohol, and lit our legs on fire! You should have seen the look on my parents’ faces when their shins went up in flames!

[Legs on fire, by lance webel]

Next, we went to a local market, where mom bought a $2 necklace and the rest of us walked around for a while admiring the piles of little shops and stores. Eventually we got tired and went back to my apartment, where I served some grilled cheese and dragonfruit for dinner. Afterwards, we watched some Seinfeld, played some Chinese checkers and darts, and talked to my sister on the Internet (Happy Birthday, Ronda!).

All in all, it was a typical day in China. And my parents are beginning to see what I mean when I say that I’ll never really be able to describe this place to people back home, no matter how hard I try!