Life is just more fun when you live by this saying.

“I’ve been growin and showing proudly for at least four months. Only one class has submitted in writing that they’d like me to shave, and I quote, ‘Especially the girls.’ Forget them. My face says freedom, and when they look at me they’re staring into the face of America. Whoo!” – Derek, WT volunteer in Ningyuan

To date, Spam Karma 2 has caught over 10,000 automated comment/trackback spams on this blog (while correctly allowing over 1,000 actual comments).

That’s a lot of time and trouble saved … I wish they’d make a tool for email spam too!

I just started a new Facebook group:

Hold the Méi-Yŏu (停止沒有)

If you’ve ever tried to buy anything in China, you’ve undoubtedly been told, “méi-yŏu” (沒有, or “don’t have”). This standard phrase, popular for answering foreigners, has a wide variety of actual meanings, including “It’s not here”, “I don’t know if we have that”, “I have no idea what big-nose here is saying”, “Can’t you see that I’m taking a nap”, and “Wait until the commercial … this riveting Chinese soap opera totally takes priority over helping my customers”.

So join the group and share a funny or frustrating story from a time you’ve been méi-yŏu’d!

What did you have for dinner today? I had lamb, ostrich, shark, baby swallows, and deer.

The mutton ka-bobs were so-so, the ostrich meat was just a little strange, the deep water shark was like tough tasty chicken, the roasted baby swallows (which you eat whole) were delicious, and the deer-on-a-stick was by far the best of them all!

“I am still about a light mile away from judging women and their antics. Gimme a dog, I can understand that a dog is hungry, it is biting my leg.”

– David Y. on German “bar chicks”

Try this anytime between 10pm Monday and 10am Tuesday EST:

1. Call 712-429-8888 or 641-297-8888.
2. Enter this code: 011-86-135-0738-0074.
3. Listen for a special message!

If it doesn’t work, call the other number or wait a few minutes.

So I’ve been awake for about two hours and it’s already been a roller coaster.

As Angie keenly noted, I’ve been staying up way too late the past couple of weeks. In a way, it’s been nice … nightime is uninterrupted and quiet and sleeping in is just wonderful. But when I hit the sack at 5am last night, I was terrified that I would sleep through my first class!

This morning my deep sleep was rudely interrupted by the terrible pealing of my office telephone. The only people that call that phone are the phone company, the school, and occasionally someone from America, so I lept up and frantically answered it. I wasn’t quite prepared for the stream of Chinese that spouted into my ear, but eventually managed to say (in Chinese), “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re saying. I only speak a little Chinese.”

Before hanging up, however, I heard the word “那里” (năli, or “where”) … so I immediately thought that I must be late for class. I scrambled to find a clock and was relieved to see that it was a little before 10am. I was safe. So I took a really quick shower (my hot water only lasts about 5 minutes in this freezing weather) then got dressed and hurried off to class.

I was plugging in my MacBook and getting ready to teach, when a student came up and said, “Teacher Lance, this is not your class. Your class is fourth period.”

Sure enough, I was an hour early. I didn’t want to walk home, so I decided to go to the back of the room and observe their Physics class. It was both intriguing and unbearably boring … an hourlong lecture in Chinese on the reflection and refraction of light. I was especially mesmerized by the way the teacher directed and managed (or didn’t?) the class. I still have a lot to learn here … so I think I’m going to observe Chinese teachers more often.

On my way back to class, I realized something horrific … I had once again left my keys at home. This was the third time that I had done this … and I immediately knew that it would take a long process of hunting for help then explaining how embarrassed I was for being so clumsy and absentminded.

Thankfully, Yvette (a Senior 3 student) was there to kindly bail me out. She drug me to the cafeteria and found a man that could break into the room where the spare keys are stored. After some hasty apologies, I finally made it back inside, where I’m typing this post.

Whew … a late night, rude awakening, early arrival, enlightening observation, and embarrassing predicament. I’m ready for some dumplings!

“You were meant for greatness.
You were meant to be set free.
You weren’t meant to fake this …
Your personality.

So be who you are.
Be who you are.
Be who you are!

… “

Wow … so much has happened in the past couple of weeks, I don’t even know where to start. I’ve taken six trains, visited five cities, ridden four boats, taken a few hundred photos, spent some quality time with some incredible people, and had the chance to relax a bit. I’ve been astounded by beauty, silenced by kindness, and haunted by my own sin.

I’m sure that stories will surface in the coming weeks … the lost cellphone, the 4am fight on the train, cormorant fishing, Rick’s toothpaste (don’t worry, bro, I wouldn’t), the birthday picnic, getting lost on a bike in the countryside, amazing cousins, lots of Kingdom thoughts, 5am nights, the fried laptop battery, spelunking, the Thanksgiving feast … but for now, I’m just happy to be home.

It’s so hard to find a balance between rest, going on adventures, and keeping in contact with people. When I go for one, the others suffer. It’ll be a while before I travel again … the money is thin, I’m on the clock at school for a while, and I’m ready to just flatline a little again. So I’ll be wrapping some Christmas gifts, doing some laundry and deep cleaning, and catching up on my grad class in the next couple of days … and maybe even fitting in some more episodes of LOST (I’m working on season one).

Here we stop!

Several people have emailed me to ask what the calendar looks like on the inside. To see more, just click on any of the preview images below (or click here to see a slideshow).

Thanks for all of your emails and messages … truthfully, it was a little overwhelming. I’m not usually big on gifts and cards and sentimental words … in fact, I rarely do anything to celebrate my birthday. But it was nice to share my “day of life” with so many amazing people this year, even from the other side of this terrestrial ball.

You guys are the best gift ever.