My internet connection has been horribly slow the past few days … I can connect, but it takes 5-10 minutes just to load a page. So although I’ve had a lot to say, I haven’t been able to post it here. I’m sorry if I haven’t responded to your emails … hopefully I’ll be online again soon!

I’ve decided what I am going to do for the performance tomorrow … although I love the “boy band” idea, I don’t know how I could pull it off by myself. So I’ve decided to instead sing a classic Chinese children’s song … I’ll take one that all of the kiddos know and change the words around, acting like I’m making mistakes in my Chinese (and ultimately making fun of myself as a teacher and a foreigner). I think they’ll like it, and it should be fairly easy to do.

Next weekend I will be flying to Xi’an, an ancient city that used to be the capital of China, for a 5 day trip. I’m pumped … I’ll be able to see the Terracotta Warriors, the old city walls, some pagodas and mosques and temples and tombs, and a large chunk of Chinese history. I’ll also get to battle the tourist-hungry merchants and “entrepreneurs” and once again be amazed at the organized chaos that is China.

In the meantime, my schedule is full with teaching, connecting with some old friends, celebrating New Year’s, watching Scrubs, gearing up for Spring Festival, editing photos, cleaning up the flat, and exploring some new restaurants in town.

Chinese people have an amazing ability to squat … anytime, anywhere. I’m jealous … they start at an early age and never stop, so their tendons and ligaments don’t tighten up like Westerners’!

I’ve been asked to perform for a school-wide arts festival. I don’t know exactly what that means … but I do know that there are over 5,000 students at my school and that they’re going to go crazy no matter what I do. So I need your ideas … what should I do?

[Scorpion Kabob, by lance webel]

I’m spending Christmas in Yueyang with my cousins’ family and with 14 other WorldTeach volunteers. It’s been amazing … great food, fun people, and plenty of time to relax and celebrate the season together.

Yesterday I visited Nanhu Square with Steve and Erica and their two beautiful girls … and after walking the gauntlet of Chinese people adoring Anna and Elizabeth, I decided to endulge in a tasty treat. You can see more of the story on Steve and Erica’s blog.

圣诞快乐 (Merry Christmas)!

“Jesus, we are on bended knee. The entire world was stuttering the day you entered the world. The mountains were groaning, the poor and the hurt were coming to life, and you were lying in a manger, surrounded by third world countries and death threats. We are still stuttering. May our lives be one mispronounced word that sounds out in the pursuit of what you are.”

– Bobby, Scott, Joe & Mark of This Holiday Life

The Back Dormitory Boys. I can’t watch this video without tripling over in laughter. Sure, they’re funny guys … just check out those elastic facial expressions and that genious choreography. And the roommate in the background? Priceless!

But the funniest thing to me is how they’re capitalizing on China’s veneration of boy bands. My students can’t believe it when I tell them that their favorite Backstreet Boys songs were popular 10 years ago in America. To them, it’s cutting edge stuff … and let me tell you, Chinese kids love cheezy drama. I wouldn’t be surprised if these boys actually love this music!

And to top it off … I heard on CCTV last weekend that these two guys just signed a “lucrative five year deal” to make advertisements for Motorola. How hilarious is that?

This week I’ve been teaching my students about the two Christmas stories. The new one features a roly-poly Santa, the North Pole, eight reindeer, flexible chimneys, stockings for the naughty and nice, decorated Christmas trees, and lots of presents. The old story has a poor couple’s journey, a full hotel, a smelly and noisy birth into some rags and a food trough, a bright star, traveling shepherds and kings, singing angels, and the Christ. The students been really into it … and I’ve had a blast in the process!

In most of my classes we’ve also talked about holiday consumerism (and its reach into Loudi), and I’ve even sang a lot of Christmas songs for them (about both stories). In fact, I’ve been singing everywhere … it’s so much fun to walk around the street with a santa hat on, singing carols at the top of my lungs to complete strangers. I’ve been doing it for three days now!

Thanks to Billy, I just wasted 20 minutes of my life on this game. And it was really fun!

Can you beat my high score of 998 ft?

I was just sitting here in my living room, munching on some peanuts and writing an email, when I heard a loud knock on the door. I glanced at the clock and immediately knew that it was a student … and that I had no intention of answering it. After a long day of teaching and a busy week ahead, I just wanted a break, and standing around feeling my way through a conversation with some kids I didn’t know just didn’t sound very appealing.

Against all logic, I still got up and answered the door. I figured that I could at least flash a smile and tell the kids that I’m busy ( even then, sometimes they don’t get the hint and they try to walk right past). When I opened the door, however, I was stunned … eight students who I had never met before were standing there with a four-foot artificial Christmas tree, decorated to the hilt with shiny Chinese things! I couldn’t believe it … I had been looking for a tree like that for weeks but was convinced that they didn’t exist in Loudi!

The moral of the story? When living in China, don’t be surprised by surprises. Here are some other recent things that have left me wide-eyed:

• Bill, a junior three student, and Amy, a junior one student, invited me to have dinner with their families. When I went over, I was delighted to find that they were not only wonderfully down-to-earth people, but they also wanted to teach me how to make dumplings … the hard way! It was a blast and I really enjoyed the conversation.
• After my first class today, I got a call from my liaison … she said that I needed to come to the school immediately for something. I unwillingly strapped on my shoes and jaunted over … only to be greeted by an entourage of people from the government of Loudi! They had come to specifically wish me a Merry Christmas … and they presented me with a giant bouquet of flowers, a nice card, and a ton of fresh fruit. I told them, through their interpreter, that “Christmas is a very important holiday for families in America. It’s wonderful to have a family in China during this time too!”
• After seeing my reaction, my principal decided to invite all of the English teachers in my school to a special dinner tomorrow for Christmas … and I’m really looking forward to it!
• Several students invited me to their English school last Sunday to hang out and see what they’re learning. It turned out that most of the other kids there were also my students … and we had an awesome time joking around and learning “I Will Follow Him” (from Sister Act) together.
• Jose, Graham, and Ron … the three foreign teachers at the college in Loudi … have been going out of their way to include me in their lives here and be gracious with their time and resources. We have dinner every Friday at the Brazillian all-you-can-eat joint, I take Chinese calligraphy lessons with them every Monday, and I’ve had the pleasure of hanging out with them on several other occasions too. Basically, it’s just been nice to have some local friends.
• Ron (the Canadian mentioned above) and a Tibetan student named Tennom came to one of my classes on Tuesday to help me teach. It was fun … they introduced themselves, told about their homes, answered some questions, and got a good taste for what a junior one class is like.
• Rose and Candy, two junior three students, invited me to visit the local park … we had a great time seeing the sights and they even brought me some tasty traditional Chinese candies!
• Daisy, a student at the college in Loudi, came over and taught me how to make several Chinese dishes. A week later, I returned the favor with some American food (grilled cheese and spaghetti). Two junior three students, June and Bill also came over to my place and taught me to cook fried rice. I, in turn, taught them how to make my tried-and-true grilled cheese … I think we both won on that one.

The list goes on and on … but I’ve gotta stop blogging and get busy on some things. Have you had any recent surprises?

Christmas is definitely not the same over here in China … there are no sacred carols, lighted homes, advent celebrations, warm smells, snowy backdrops, family gatherings, breaks from the routine, tasty cookies, red and green outfits, festive attitudes, or remembrances of the grittiest and most transformational story ever told. They don’t even get the name right … they call it “Merry Christmas Day”.

But the stores have done their best … it’s so funny to see how they’ve taken their perception of this holiday and used it to try to sell more junk, plastering their windows with token Santas and stockings. In a way, though, it’s also sobering … because that’s all that the world sees in our Christmas.

How about yours? Would a foreigner see more than that in your holiday? I urge you to consider that … and to cherish every moment!

“Teacher Lance, I think you are eunuch.”

– A Junior 2 student (she was trying to say “unique”)

On November 18th, I visited Fuli, an ancient city near Guilin, with four friends. Fuli is famous for its jagged mountains, old streets, and beautiful river … in fact, it’s so picturesque that the Chinese 20 yuan bill features a riverside scene of Fuli on its back!

I’ve just uploaded twenty eight photos from the trip … if you want, you can check out the set or view the slideshow. Enjoy!