Deja-Vu, With Sprinkles

Good news for those of you (like me) who missed out on yesterday's free ice cream at Ben and Jerry's. Eagle-eyed Rachel caught wind of the fact that Baskin Robbins is running the same promotion tonight. The nearest BR to me is in Kentucky, but those Pasadena folks can totally fill up (they have 8 locations within 5 miles!). Enjoyalicious!

Amsterdam's Centraal Station

Really.

When I'm old and wrinkled I want to call people "pumpkin." Can somebody remind me?

Endorsement of the Day

I'd just like to give some props to Bigg's, a local supermarket (or hypermarket, as they call it). Someone there had an ingenius idea ... if you want to get a shopping cart, you have to put a quarter into the handle, unlocking the cart from a chain of other carts. When you're finished shopping, you can either leave your cart in the parking lot (losing your quarter) or return your cart to the designated "cart-return place" (that's what I'll call it), reattaching it to the chain and getting your quarter back. The system keeps stray carts from becoming fender benders while giving just enough 25-cent tips to those underpaid supermarket employees who have to round up the carts from lazy shoppers. All in all, I think it's a marvellous system. Bravo.

If that didn't make any sense, you'll just have to visit a Bigg's Hypermarket to see what I mean. It's worth it. Really.

Not convinced? Fine ... I'll give you a four other reasons. 1. They have really good deals on frozen juice, french bread pizza, and yogurt. 2. They don't have a "shopping card" that you have to swipe to get cheaper food ... they just price their food cheaper (brilliant, I tell you). 3. They have clean, simple, consistant graphic design in their logo and advertisement. 4. When you get to the checkout line they always ask you, "Did you find everything you're looking for?" (I always say, "All that and more!").

If you're still not convinced, you must not be human.

Blazin' the Trail

A farmer in Lawrenceburg, Tennessee drew this picture on his computer, downloaded it to his GPS, then followed the GPS on his bush hog. Pretty patriotic, eh?

Free Cone Day!

If you live anywhere near a Ben and Jerry's, you need to make it out there tomorrow between noon and 8pm.

It's Free Cone Day! You can't beat free ... especially when it comes to ice cream. You can also get a map of Ben and Jerry's shops near you. Bring that on.

Jesus Drink

I think that Coca-Cola in arabic looks like it says Jesus. That's why I call it Jesus Drink.

iPhoused?

While I generally refrain from quoting any of the crazy Apple rumor mills, I can't help but refer to an interesting speculation posted on Loop Rumors this morning.



It's a combined iPod/Phone/Mouse. The device would have an internal 15/30gig hard drive that would carry the user's music and contacts and home directory with it wherever it goes. Apple applied for a patent on a mouse with rotary controls (much like the iPod's) this week, but that would be way too soon to be releasing a device using the technology (in my opinion). Plus, I don't see the sense in including mouse capabilities in there ... but it's still a pretty sweet idea. Digital devices are almost ready to start merging together and using the services and bandwidth that is popping up around the country. Almost.

Whatever the case, Apple's press conference tomorrow (and our subsequent event this Friday night at the Apple Store) will reveal something that's music to our ears.

I Was Here.

Hidden Books

Last night at 11:15pm Mike Dunfee gave me a call from a hotel room in Cincinnati. He was in town for a wedding (again, he was the best man) yesterday, but after the groom left (with the bride, I guess) he was left alone in his hotel room (room 911, with two big comfy beds). He invited me over, and I jumped at the chance.

We chatted a little, but we were both pretty tired, so we fell asleep to SportsCenter (it was weird but somehow soothing to watch television again after so long). Then we woke up to SportsCenter, then fell asleep to it (again and again, until he turned it off at about 4am). This morning I ran downstairs and soaked in the hot tub a little (oh, yeah) before we headed off to church at the vineyard.

Hotel rooms make me happy. They're like hidden books on your shelf that you can live in for a day or two.

Mike Dunfee makes me happy. He's like a nice hotel room that'll always be there.

Foreigners, We Are.

It's amazing how much easier it is to type about something that happened today than it is to type about something that happened a week ago. Perhaps it's because there�s just so much that happened on my trip. Perhaps I�m just afraid that putting it down in words will cheapen it. Perhaps I�m still just tired and lazy. Ok, fine, I�ll reflect.

You know, I think that instead of telling you the mundane details of who, what, when, where, why, and how, I�m going to just skip ahead and tell you a little bit about how the trip changed me, what it made me realize.

I was able to understand that the world is much bigger that what I know. I already kind of knew this, but it was good to see firsthand things that I didn�t understand or have any familiarity with at all. I saw worldviews vastly different from my own, relationships that manifested themselves in remarkable ways, and beauty reaching beyond my vision.

My two days spent in Amsterdam helped me realize how much people need the Lord. It�s refreshing to see sin exposed ... to see how blatant and shameless sex and money can be ... for it reveals the truth we too often try to hide. Watching faces in that weathered and aged city exposed their souls; it showed what their hearts were afraid to reveal. No matter where we go, we have the same size of holes in our lives, and the things of this world will only make our eyes (the windows to our souls) more frantic and furrowed. Why do people in America try so hard to hide this emptiness?

In Morocco, I saw the clear separation between the Western world and the Mid-Eastern world, between the Muslim world and the Christian world, between the Arab world and the American world. The way of life over there was incredibly different ... not better or worse, just different. The elderly are revered. Shiny isn�t necessarily good. Reputation and honor rank higher than truth and character. Words that leave the heart (and consequently the tongue) often lose their value. Animals are useful and worthwhile. Things smell better and cost a lot less. People are generous and courageous.

I can truly say that I am not proud to be an American. From my brief observations, I saw that we are regarded in much of the world as egotistical, bloated, power-hungry, impersonal robots. Sure, we�re good at making and spending money, but that doesn�t necessarily mean that we live richly. There�s a certain amount of flakiness... of thin and crusty facade ... that surrounds who we are, and I think we find it hard to break out of this shell and love other people (especially those who are different from us). We're afraid to let the world teach us a thing or two.

It�s remarkable to see how laughable our image of the Arabian world is. It seems that after the Cold War ended, we needed a new �evil society,� so we picked Arabs. They�re all terrorists, scary unified self-sacrificing drones who don�t value life. It�s dangerous to travel over there, to talk to people and eat their food. We cannot trust those whose headed is shrouded in a turban or jalaba. How silly. But how true ... admit it, you�re disillusioned too. When is the last time you invited a Muslim friend over for dinner and let him direct the conversation? Have you ever really thought about how terrifying our culture is?

So there are some thoughts. I realize that they only represent one side of the coin ... my general reactions to the culture differences. Sometime I�ll have to tell you about the people I was with as well ... crazy Austrians, hilarious aunts, undercover servants of God, and women of character. Or about some of the speck-tackular stories.

But now I find myself in an interesting predicament. I�m re-evaluating how I think and what I value. I�m trying to ascertain how materialistic and self-centered I really am. It�s really hard to do, now that I�m back in the States, but I�m starting to understand some of the ugly things that make me tick.

And I guess I can say it here (even though I don�t really want to) ... I�m considering moving to Africa next year to teach (and be taught). I don�t really want to get into all the details here, but I have until this Friday to decide if I want to renew my contract at CHCA or pursue a position teaching at GWA in Casablanca. They are remarkably different schools, cultures, and opportunities.

Can I honestly think of a reason to leave the work that God has me in here at CHCA and PVM? Am I afraid to take a calculated step of faith? Can I give up shiny things and convenience? Would God call me out of one commitment to make another? Will I ever have a chance like this again?

Lord, please quiet my soul and strengthen my sighs. Focus my scattered thoughts and give purpose to my steps. You know how I eagerly desire to serve You ... please accept my meager offerings and marred sacrifices. Let those who look at me see but a poor reflection of You, a broken man who is brought to life by the eternal hope you have placed in his heart. i am Yours. Do with me as You wish.

I Was Robbed.

Literally. Yesterday a man stole $55 from me.

I was filling up my car with gas on the way up to camp for a programming meeting with Amber and David, when I accidentally left my wallet on the roof. Bad game, Lance. Wallets do not belong on the Louie's roof.

Here's the funny thing ... at the very beginning of this school year, I did the exact same thing. I was at the same gas station at the same pump when I left my wallet on the roof of my car. I drove off and got a phone call 2 days later from a guy who said that he found it on the side of Reid-Hartman highway (a road I never drive) without any cash in it. Mysteriously, the theif also stole some weird things ... like my old Miami college ID and my library card (along with my credit cards). It was weird telling the library that I needed a new card, not because I lost it, but because I was afraid that some dude was going to check out a thousand books and sell them on the black market.

Anyways, so I was at the gas station yesterday when I repeated the same dumb blunder. While pumping my gas, I even remembered the event 8 months ago and made a mental note not to leave my wallet there again.

--- Mental Note: Mental Notes do not work. ---

Right when I got onto I-275 I realized what I had done. So I pulled off the next exit and returned to the gas station, only to find a gentleman waiting there with wallet in hand. He found it in the parking lot and was planning to stick it in a mailbox for me. While we chatted about his work across the street at the lighting store (and while I thanked him incessantly), however, he missed his bus, so he was stuck there on the side of the road talking to me.

I offerred to give the man a ride where he needed to go (I had a car, after all), but he repeatedly refused. I insisted, and he refused more. When it became clear that he wasn't going to accept my offer, I thanked him again and drove off. I noticed, however, that the man just started walking away from me down the sidewalk. Hmm ... if he was trying to catch the next bus, wouldn't he want to wait at the bus stop?

3 hours later while at the ATM I realized that I'd been had. The dude took my cash. Now $55 is a lot for my wallet ... I still was stacked from my overseas trip ... so it was a really bad game. Bad game, Lance.

I considered going to the lighting store today to say "hi" and see if the man could help me pick out a light fixture. Of course, I'd be looking for something in the $50 range, but I'd probably mysteriously come up short when checking out at the cash register. Alas, I couldn't do that to him. His heart (and hopefully his conscience too) was probably racing up a storm enough yesterday. Money's not that important.

But it makes for another good story, eh?

Trashy Sermons

For your entertainment ...

All Adjectives, This Line Please.

I need your help. How should I answer the following question?

How was your trip to Africa?

I'm already running out of responses that are as lame as the question. Help? I know you can think of something ...

Return To Nevermindland.

Hi there. I just wanted to let you guys know that I've arrived back in Cincy in one (relatively unscathed) piece. I have stories, reactions, and pictures galore, but they'll have to wait until I have a chance to recover. Judging from my general culture shock today, it might be a couple of days. And the last time I really went to sleep (dozing on planes doesn't count) was Saturday night. So I'm off to have a little chat with Mr. Sandman.

If you're one of those fine people who regularly converses with Jesus, I would really appreciate it if you'd lay down some chat on my behalf this week. I'm finding myself in the midst of some dramatically life-changing decisions and I desperately crave divine intervention.

"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
-- James 5:16

And Yet Another Continent

I'm sitting in a little Internet cafe of sorts in my hotel, Hotel Ali, in downtown Marakkesh. The keyboard is this weird French keyboard ... apparently the French are so weird that they decided to switch just a few of the keys ... this is not a QWERTY keyboard, it's an AZERTY keyboard. I think they did it just to mess with English speaking people. Bob tells me that they also have a different name for the computer ... they somehow "went back to the books" and discovered the true name for computers ... as if they existed before we called them computers in America. Those silly French people ... at least it gives Monty Python something funny to talk about ("Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?" Regardless, I find it interesting that the screensaver reads OIL = YOUR LIFE.

So anyways, I've finally made it here to Morocco. The flight was very bizzarre ... I've never eaten so much on a plane as to be full (they kept bringing out bread and dessert and everything else. I also got a free newspaer and a complimentary hot towel (a nice touch indeed). I think their hospitality more than made up for the fact that the plane was from the 80's and the pilot was crosseyed (for reals). The Evans family picked me up from the airport and welcomed me into their home last night, where I got to actually change clothes for the first time in 3 full days. Quality stuff, I tell you. And gracious people.

Right outside of the hotel is a big public square ... called Place Djemaa el-Fna, it is home to snake charmers, magicians, tons of produce and fresh fruit, souqs (public markets), and street musicians. We're going to go walk around it in a little bit (after nap time is over), being tourists in this strange and intriguing place. It's just me, Sarah, her roommate (Katie), Katie's aunt, Manuel (an Austrian living in Spain who Sarah met in Guatemala), and another GWA teacherm and her brother from California. The last two will be splitting up fairly soon, and Katie and her aunt are planning to go into the desert tomorrow. That'll leave Sarah, Manuel, and I to go into the mountains to visit some beautiful waterfalls and such.

I've been thinking about what it must be like to live in a place like this, to actually have to work to communicate all the time. It's absolutely insane. Arabic (or a form of it) is the first language, French is the second, and English is a distant third. You really need to be able to speak and understand at least French to get by. But somehow Katie and Sarah and the others are doing it ... and growing so wise in the process. I admire them a lot.

Well, I'm not going to sit here on the Internet all day when there are snake charmers outside. Take off, eh?

The Top 10 Things I Learned in Amsterdam

10. Amsterdam is a city built on piles of wood ... because the land is so waterlogged, the only way they could build buildings here was to throw down huge piles of sticks.

9. Dehydration makes me really thirsty.

8. Money and sex are really the same thing, somehow. I haven't quite figured out how, but it's true. I'll get back to you on that one.

7. It's possible to live for two days by saying less than ten total words.

6. Sleek modern design works best when nestled into a canvas of old, historied, traditional design.

5. I am completely naive about this world.

4. The Dutch build something onto their houses called furniture hooks. Large metal hooks are built onto a beam that extends out from the peak of their houses ... because staircases are so narrow, they use their furniture hooks to move things in and out of windows whenever they're moving.

3. I love prolonged eye contact iwth strangers from other countries, especially when they're not children.

2. Bikes make the city.

1. When Dutch people talk it sounds like they're either gurgling or trying really hard to spit.

Still Here.

Now this is interesting. I only have $.40 this time, so I'll probably be even shorter. I'm glad I can type quickly without looking at my hands (hear that, students? i told you it was important to be able to do that).

Last night when I went to check in for my plane (from Holland to Casa), I found out that my flight had been cancelled. Over one month ago. Unfortunately, nobody cared to tell me that. So I was stuck here in Amsterdam, with nowhere to live, no euros left, and no phone numbers. I ended up calling Oxford information to get Sarah's parents' number, then calling Bob directly in Casablanca (it took forever to figure out the european phone system). Gladly, I caught him before he had left to pick me up from the airport and it was all dandy. As he said, you gotta roll with the punches when you're travelling internationally.

I ended up getting to stay in a fairly nice hotel (usually about $120 per night) for only $53, including a free shuttle and a breakfast bar. Hopefully my travel agency will reimburse me ... we'll see about that. It was wonderful to get clean (even though I'm wearing the same clothes for the third straight day) and just relax a little last night and this morning. Walking around the city sure takes a lot out of you.

Being a Webel, I obviously got enough food this morning at breakfast to last me all day (we're thrifty, I tell you), and I've gotten to walk around the whole city a little more leisurely this time, enjoying some suprises I didn't know were there. I just hope this didn't mess up our plans in Africa!

Until later ...

So I Lied.

I said that I wouldn't be posting anything until next week, but I'm sitting in a quaint little internet cafe in Amsterdam and I felt compelled to write a little. Of course, I only had 50 eurocents to spend, so I'll only have about 5 minutes to type.

This is truly an incredible town. Canals run through the entire thing (next I'm going to take an hourlong canal tour), pedestrians and bicycles rule (I've been wanting to create a coffeebook called "The Bikes of Amsterdam"), and there's more history in one block of this place than there is in all of the U.S.A. The buildings are beautiful, and there are suprising little quiet spots around every corner.

There are definitely "seedy" parts of town, however. The "Red Light District" is blantantly full of prostitutes and sex shops. "Coffee shops" are actually places to buy drugs (they're legal here) ... if you want to buy coffee you have to go to a "cafe" instead. Not that I'd want to buy coffee.

I just went through the Anne Frank House and Museum, the best museum I've ever visited. It is completely remodeled brilliantly ... yet it still tells the story intimately and profoundly. How wonderful it was. I'll put more down about it later when there's time. But if you're ever in Amsterdam, it's worth the 6.50.

Ok, gotta go, I only have a minute left and I want to make sure that this publishes ok!

And We're Off!

I'm going to Africa today.

[psy -- cho.]

Well, techincally, I'm going to Minnesota today, but it's close enough. Tomorrow I'll be going to Amsterdam (in the Netherlands) for a 13 hour layover (bring it on!) then Tuesday I'll be going to Morocco (the "top-left" country in Africa, right across the Gibraltar Strait from Spain). For those of you who care, here is my itinerary out there (and if you're on a Mac, you can track the flights on Sherlock):

Sun, Apr 13: NORTHWEST AIRLINES, NW 1297
From: CINCINNATI, OH (CVG)
To: MINNEAPOLIS ST PL, MN (MSP)
Departs: 6:36pm
Arrives: 7:35pm
Flight Time: 1 hours and 59 minutes

Sun, Apr 13-Mon, Apr 14: NORTHWEST AIRLINES, NW 0056
From: MINNEAPOLIS ST PL, MN (MSP)
To: AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS (AMS)
Departs: 8:55pm
Arrives: 12:15pm
Flight Time: 8 hours and 20 minutes

Tue, Apr 15: KLM ROYAL DUTCH AIRLINES, KL 0557
From: AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS (AMS)
To: CASABLANCA CMN, MOROCCO (CMN)
Departs: 8:40pm
Arrives: 10:25pm
Flight Time: 3 hours and 45 minutes

Even though I'm very excited about the trip, I'm not feeling very ambitious right now. First of all, I'm pretty tired right now from camp (we had some great paintball, rock climbing, and ultimate frisbee at camp this weekend) and school (don't get me started). More importantly, however, I understand that the purpose of this trip isn't for me to do a lot of stuff. It's for me to become a direct object of sorts (for you English majors out there) ... for me to become the recipient of the action. I know that things will happen in my heart and mind this next week, and I don't feel that I need to do anything to make that happen. I'm just planning to go along, watching and listening and taking as much in as possible.

If you weren't aware, I'll be visiting Sarah Pechan (an O-town college friend) and the Evans family (from OBF) out there in Casablanca. They all teach at the George Washington Academy, a unique trilingual American school in the heart of Casa.

At first I wasn't sure if we'd be able to do much over there. As you may know, Morocco is a muslim nation, leaving a possibility for potential hostility towards Americans at this time. They (the Americans living over there in Casa) have been pretty careful lately, avoiding public transporation, travelling in large groups (or alone), or doing anything to conspicuously draw attention to the fact that they're from the U.S. But Morocco is one of the more westernized African nations ... and they've been able to relax more in recent weeks with the self-imposed limitations.

So Sarah has put together quite an awesome itinerary for us. She's rounded up friends from Spain, Austria, Australia, and the U.S. (as well as a couple Moroccans) to tour around for a few days. As you may know, Morocco is a rich country, one that has been featured in several famous Hollywood movies (including its namesake) ... for good reason (it's beautiful and historied).

When I arrive on Tuesday (and Wednesday morning), we're just going to hang out around Casa a little bit, perhaps going to the beach. On Wednesday, then, we'll go to Marrakech, a lively cultural center in Morocco. We'll check out the ancient gardens and maybe see some snake charmers or jugglers or acrobats that frequent the famous markets. On Thursday and Friday, the group is going to split up (some are going to the desert) and we're heading out to Oukaimden and Ourika to walk around in the mountains and see some waterfalls. On Saturday and Sunday we'll be back in the cities, to hang out and relax a little before I catch my flights back. I suppose I should post those too, right?:

Mon, Apr 21: KLM ROYAL DUTCH AIRLINES, KL 0558
From: CASABLANCA CMN, MOROCCO (CMN)
To: AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS (AMS)
Departs: 1:45am
Arrives: 7:15am
Flight Time: 3 hours and 30 minutes

Mon, Apr 21: NORTHWEST AIRLINES, NW 0067
From: AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS (AMS)
To: DETROIT METRO, MI (DTW)
Departs: 10:55am
Arrives: 1:10pm
Flight Time: 8 hours and 15 minutes

Mon, Apr 21: NORTHWEST AIRLINES, NW 5857
From: DETROIT METRO, MI (DTW)
To: CINCINNATI, OH (CVG)
Departs: 3:05pm
Arrives: 4:25pm
Flight Time: 1 hours and 20 minutes

Needless to say, it should be a good trip. I won't be posting anything until I arrive back. And I'm sorta expecting to be a little sick from the travel and food and onslaught of seeing American culture once again. But I'll be sure to take plenty of pictures and share a select few with y'alls. I'd better finish packing, I only have anoher hour or so before I take off!

Breath in, breath out.

Hi. Spring break is finally here ... whew. The past couple of weeks have really been exhausting ... I knew that this year was going to be incredibly full as I sought to fill several roles here at school, but I didn't realize how much of an emotional and physical toll it would take on me. I'd never be able to hold a technology department together [this well] with a family or with a more complicated life. I've been here at school constantly the past two weeks, just fixing and installing and organizing and creating things. It's fun, but it's a job for more than one person ... whenever it feels like we've caught up, everything changes again. But that's just the nature of it all, right?

I was just typing out some details of my itinerary for my trip to Africa this coming week, when Internet Explorer "unexpectedly quit" on the peecee I was working on. Funny, I've actually come to expect it.

I'll retype some of that on Sunday morning before I leave ... it's going to be a wonderfully refreshing and enlightening trip, from all appearances. For now, though, I'm gonna bust this joint ... I'm heading up to camp tonight for a 24-hour youth retreat that we're holding for Preble County teens. Several old counselors and friends are coming up to help out, so it should be a great time to enjoy their presence and quiet my soul. Oh, yeah.

Fyi, for an interesting read on Iraq's weapons of mass destruction, read this. I'm going to withhold many of my thoughts and reactions on the war and recovery and situations going on over there. It's bigger than I can imagine.

In other news, Microsoft made a big whoopsie (they also released an update that automatically installed itself on many of our school's computers, messing up our network), Apple may purchase the world's largest record label, someone almost got convicted of murdering a girl who was simply taking her dog for a five year walk, and puppies sometimes eat bad things.

I'm Just Retaxing Tonight.

I just [finally] finished my taxes. I did all the work on paper last night (it took several hours), with some help-by-phone from my brother. According to my calculations, if I would've used the 1040EZ form, I would've had about $1000 left to pay. So I itemized my deductions (charitible contributions, business expenses, etc) and I ended up only oweing $75. That's much better than $1000.

Today I decided to come in and do the free online tax submission offerred through H&R Block, simply because it was free and would help to double check my math. When I first started the program, however, I was met with the following message:



Kind of disturbing, eh? Even I can figure out that $29.95 isn't 40% off of $39.95. Did I really want to trust this company with my money? In the long run, however, it was good stuff. I ended up thinking of a few more deductions, and now the federal government actually owes me seven bucks. That's 6 french bread pizzas!

On to state returns tonight!

Paper or Plastic?

It's amazing how much kids throw away these days. I just went and stood by the trash cans during fifth grade lunch today, claiming any food that the students were about to discard from their lunches. I ended up with an orange, a carton of grapes, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a ham sandwich, two poptarts, a bagel, and some cookies ... all unopened!

I think I've found a new way to get my lunches during the school week. :)

On The Lighter Side

Oh, the Queasy-ness.

I just read a sickening story about a guy named George Allen Moore Jr. who has a company called Maryland Internet Marketing LLC. He pirates illegal copies of Norton Antivirus and them spams thousands of people trying to sell them cheap versions of this pirated software. When someone buys this software from him, he publishes their personal information (name, street address, phone number, and email address) in text files on his websites (antivirusdirect.com, deal2002.com, everythingsales.com, saveverymuch.com, softwarelimited.com, softwareincorporated.com, wholesaledaily.com, wholesaleshowcase.com, & salescape.com). There are more stories here and here.

One guy who got Mr. Moore's spam decided to do something about it. He told a few people about it and Mr. Moore ended up getting about 70 packages and 200 magazines that he didn't order. So Mr. Moore went to the police and secured a temporary court order (the kind that is used to keep spouse abusers away). Now Mr. Moore is actually sueing this guy ... that's right, the spammer is sueing the citizen.

This kind of harrassment just makes me sick. It happens every day ... not just by Mr. Moore but by a host of people just like him. They say that it's just business. Marketing, they call it. Yep, and the product they're marketing is me and you.

How absolutely sickening.

Here's the plan.

In lieu of doing my taxes this week, I think I'll find a woman to date for 77 years before marriage (she can deal with the money). Eventually, when I get scared that she'll run off with a younger man and 10 lions and tigers, I'll padlock her up with a 30 foot dog chain around her neck. Of course I'll get busted for that (or for cutting strangers' hair off) so I'll have to pay my debts by vacuuming the change out of parking meters. Nevertheless, a $15,000 electric bill will send me to the streets, only to be met by a six million dollar tax bill.

Ok, fine, I'll just do my taxes now.

Stuff.

I guess it's time for another update on what's up with me. For some reason I've been avoiding making an entry here lately ... in fact, I've been avoiding being at the computer in general. I think I have a good enough pile of real-world things piling up that it's almost like a virtual fast or something, a temporary lent of sorts. But I'm getting my act together today, "getting my house in order."

I'm sitting here typing on what is quite possibly the fastest computer I have ever used. It's a new Powermac G4 with dual 1.25gig processors, 2 gigs of RAM, a dvd-burning superdrive, Final Cut Express, iSub and Apple Pro speakers, and a stunning new all-digital 20" cinema display. It's just one example of some of the awesome new technology that is coming in from our most recent round of purchase orders. Also sitting in my classroom right now are 51 new Gateway pentium 4's with 17" LCD displays, a multimedia cart (with 8 iBooks, Airport extreme and 500' antennae, 3 Canon ZR60 MiniDV cameras, scanner, projector, digital camera, and various video editing equipment), a new 24-inch 2400dpi wideformat HP Designjet 800ps, 6 new laserwriters, 4 new LCD projectors, a new loaded Canon GL-2, and 2 new Hitachi Starboard EM Panels (interactive LCD panels). And there's more on the way still.

It's kind of crazy ... on one hand, it's so awesome to have the oppportunity to be on the cutting edge of technology, making decisions about what these kids should use and learn and what products are really on the cutting edge and which have fallen off the edge. On the other hand, it's weird being involved with so much purchasing and material goods for me ... I'm not used to it at all (my 1980 clock-radio is the most high-tech thing I have at home). And on my third hand (which I grew this year), there's a whole lot of work ahead in the next couple of months; setting each of these devices up, removing and installing software, registering and inventorying (is that a word?) products, cleaning out old technology, compiling procedures and policies for use of the new things, and developing curriculum and plans for how all of this technology will be used. Overall, though, it's good stuff. Except for that third hand. It's a little weird.

In other news, I'm doing my taxes today. It's not as bad as it could be. I live a pretty simple life ... I just need to decide if it's worth doing the complicated form (to take charitable contributions into account). Either way, doing taxes aren't really that bad until you own a home. Unless if you make a lot of money ... but I wouldn't really know.

Hey, check this out ... it's a crazy example of what javascript can do. These little gimmicks are not always appropriate or conducive, but they're neat to see (and quite compatible with common browsers, despite what most intelligent web designers claim).

We had a social at school Friday night called Bigger and Better Night in which groups of students go door to door in local neighborhoods trying to get the biggest and best item. I highly recommend it as a safe and fun way to spend an evening with friends. Here's how it works: Each group is given a paper clip then asked to go out and trade it with people for progresively bigger and better items. Groups get bonus points for certain items on the list, for the total amount of trades that they make in the 3 hour timeframe, and for the creativity and size of their final item. I had 4 great sixth graders in the car, and I think I can safely say that we had a great time. On top of that, I ended the night with an antique coffee table and a nice yellow couch (another group's final item that they didn't want). Our group had the following progression of trades:

paper clip --> teddy bear --> can of coffee --> 4 size C batteries --> baseball --> soft dart --> license plate --> potted cactus --> purple candle --> lamp --> old mop --> inflatible chair --> painted tin bucket --> tape deck --> 17" computer monitor --> big comfy chair --> coffee table and plastic chair

Quality stuff, I tell ya.

Ok, I had better be getting going with my day. I have to get ready for my trip to Morocco as well (I leave in exactly one week). I'll be sure to post more about that later this week, if not later today. In short, the thought is simultaneously sobering and envigorating. Bring that.

Breaking News

News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi Middle School and detained teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a compass and a calculator.

U.S. President George W. Bush argued that this was clear and overwhelming evidence that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of math instruction.

Geeks Are Funny.

Bare Bones Software just announced a new pricing option on their professional HTML and text editing application, BBEdit 7.0.

For a special rate of $250,000, you can get hand-delivery by a Bare Bones employee in a gorilla suit (you pay extra if you want them in street clothes), a ceremonial breaking of the seal on your CD-ROM, an interpretive reading of the user manual, and one year of new feature implementation.

You know you're a geek when you'll pay $70 for a good text editor. You know you're a rich geek when you'll pay $250,000 for a good text editor and a hilarious story.

Collision and Collusion.

Yesterday after track practice I somehow wasted about two hours on the Internet. To be honest, I can't remember exactly what I was doing ... answering some emails and catching up on some news, I think. I ended up leaving my classroom at about 7:30, just as the girls' softball game was concluding. As I walked outside to my car, Louie, I tried to stuff all of my things inside my bookbag.

Suddenly, in the corner of my eye, I saw a blue van, much like Geri, backing up out of a parking spot. Something was strange about it though ... what was it? After a split second, I realized what it was: whoever was driving wasn't turning the steering wheel ... it was headed straight towards the cars on the opposite end of the parking lot. I looked a little closer, then immediately recognized who was driving it ...

NOBODY!

I quickly dropped all my things on the sidewalk and sprinted over behind the van, pushing against it with everything I had to stop its momentum. I was able to bring the van to a halt, but as I tried to push it back up the hill to the parking spot where the van had come from I found that I could barely budge it. So I held the van tight right there and looked behind me to see what other options I had ... and I noticed that the van had been heading directly for Louie, my car. Five seconds later and this van would've hit my car, doing some damage to the back ends of both vehicles.

Eventually I stood there holding the van long enough that one of the softball parents drove up and saw that I needed some help. He got out of his car and attempted to start the van (with the keys that were mysteriously left in it), but it wouldn't start. He shouted that the battery was dead just as I noticed a puff of smoke coming out of the dashboard. Not a good sign. We eventually ended up pushing the van back up to its original spot together then putting on the emergency brake.

I drove off thinking about how weird the whole situation was. I wondered exactly why I had come out of the school at that precise moment. Why had I been given the grace to be able to jump in and save both vehicles from damage and both owners from headache? Am I always living that close to disaster? How many other times have freak "coincidences" kept me safe, secure, or even alive? I can think back and count at least a dozen times when I would've either died or lost a limb if it weren't for amazing circumstances (no joke).

How clueless am I about Providence?