For all you Holy Grail fans ... it's now easy to estimate the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. Thank you, science.

[via MeFi]

I'm still entertained by looking at the searches that bring people (possibly you) to this website. I think I might start posting this regularly, at least until it gets old (or repetitive).

In this list I won't include the numerous searches for "webel and bob" ... apparently there's a funny Homestar-esque british flash comic online called Weebl and Bob that people misspell all the time, leading them here. But here are some of the other results, organized by effectiveness:

People who found what they were looking for:
"mark killian"+church
dead ringer idiom
"rock and a hard place" idiom
ipod spoof ads
weird church signs
austin webel
pvm staff lounge
church signs and stickers
"steve balmer"+microsoft+movie+love+this+company
Webel school computer

People who didn't:
atheletes death related to heat stroke
pvm rip dvd film cluster
where are the top ten cafe in amsterdam where we can buy drugs
lyrics "here it is" "merry christmas"
"no tamper" drug tape
santaclaus big posters
faculty and staff appreciation night tshirts
xray of broken finger
poster oscar the grouch
how to write a declaritive sentence
"play dead" morgue photos
imovie theatre lakers
webl
Tickets Lord of the Rings 12:01a.m. December 17

Who knows?
yes you did
(kids) dress up superhero websites page
polls about junior highers
are nintendo gameboys bad for children's brains
"weird holiday traditions"
"dunk tank"
"fall festival" dunk

Quite hilarious (some of them) ... but they bring about two important ideas:

1. Blogs are messing up search results. Many people are claiming that search engines that simply search through the content of websites are being polluted by the thousands of blogs that talk about anything and everything on a daily basis. It's true ... we all like to journal incessantly about anything that finds our fancy ... in a given month I might mention Dyslexics, Power Rangers, Fahrenheit 451, Halloween, calculators, and educational technology ... but search for that and you probably won't find what you're looking for. The solution isn't for Google to stop searching blogs (which, incidentally, it won't do ... because it owns Blogger), simply because that isn't the problem. This is:

2. People just don't know how to find information on the Internet. This is obvious ... all it takes is a glance at the list above, and you can tell that there's a lot of people out there who don't know what they're doing. It's like they walked into a library with no knowledge of the Dewy Decimal system and no idea that catalogues (card and online) exist. They're typing words conversationally into whatever search engine they've heard of (usually Google or the AOL/MSN one forced upon them by their ISP). They don't start in the right place, have no knowledge of Boolean Logic, and don't know how to filter the results they get before clicking. Categorized directories (like Yahoo or Google Directory) are rarely used, and even when people do find what they're looking for they're often unable to credit the source or explain how they got there in the first place.

As a digital media (computer) teacher, I'm expected to teach my students how to find information online. I try to help them come up with logical strategies for using the web (instead of letting it use them), but sometimes I wonder how effective my teachings really are. Sometimes it seems that the Information Age is merely aging us, showing how ineffective we really are at managing and utilizing the oodles of data out there.

In reality, I think it should be librarians that teach this concept to students (and to the world). Finding info on the Internet is very closely related to library science (which, by the way, is a very complicated and prestigious field) ... it deals with organization and retrieval of information. And librarians are simply brilliant. I wonder if we're overlooking them ... the missing puzzle piece. Should we be placing more emphasis on the proper way of finding and filtering information?

In the meantime I'll continue to do my best to teach these kids. And I'm sure the masses' naivete will entertain us all. :)

That green color was making me sick ... so I decided to take a few hours and re-hue this place. It's crazy how such small changes (colors, a few images) take such a huge amount of time. But I know (at this point in my life) that it's worth every minute ... in fact, it's therapeutic. I need fresh-ocity ... it keeps me young. :)

In fact, when I finally get my own place to live, I'm going to invest heavily in paint. Don't be suprised if there are rooms in my abode that change colors every couple of months. It's fun, surprising, and it affects the way we view everything. Bring that on.

Yes, there are still kinks ... but i'll fix the menu, archives, comment box, and background photos later. I'll also be cleaning up the code (it'll load faster for you). And I'll program it to cook your dinners and do your laundry too. Yeah, webeldotnet.

The way I see it, if you ate too much for Thanksgiving today there are only two logical solutions:

1. Decide to never eat or drink again. This man did.
2. Just make a t-shirt.



[via relevant & hp]

Austin has a very insightful post on thankfulness today. Some excerpts:

"thankfulness ... is it something i get off my chest so i can eat and not be guilty for another year?" ... "god doesn't believe me when i thank him ... he sits and waits for me to show him" ... "i guess for once i want to be thankful, and i fear that it isn't a day or thought or prayer. no, it is simply an action i take to show you how thankful i am."

I think it'd be appropriate to post my response here:

i've always been very bad at expressing my gratitude. cards, gifts, and even words don't come easily ... especially when something means a whole lot to me. i so often feel that words would cheapen how i feel ... on top of that, my timing is usually horrible. i'm a terribly clumsy person.

that's why i really appreciate those friends who seem to understand what is important to me ... they know when i am thankful and can tell by the decisions i make and directions my life takes. chief among these friends? Jesus. that's a comfort to me ... i don't have to feel guilty for not "expressing" my thankfulness all the time. he doesn't care what words or cards or gifts i'd use anyways ... he sees my life and understands my gratitude implicitly.

good thing, cause i don't know what address i'd use to send him a thank-you card.

You know how you sometimes get in a rut in life where everything starts to seem ordinary? Days come and go, even adventurous and life-changing ones, but something seems to be telling you that it's all Ecclesiastes. Well, that sort of thing has been creeping up on me.

Life isn't boring, but I just don't seem as fascinated or delighted by it as I usually do. In fact, I even have a hard time describing this funk ... I think the best word I can come up with is schlepk.

That's it, I'm going through a schlepk.

So what can I do? Let me brainstorm some possible solutions:

Physical Activity
One hard thing about being a teacher is that I'm stuck indoors a whole lot. Fresh air is hard to come by (thank God I have double doors to the outside), and I often find that I spend more time staring at a computer screen than I do staring at God's green (wee, internal rhyme). Today I went rock climbing at Climb Time with James, and it felt good ... the blood was flowing (inside my body, don't worry), the adrenaline cleared my head a little. Perhaps I need to get a regular "workout" in, something challenging and enjoyable.

Travel
There's something about getting out of your element in into some strange new place that tends to shake the funk right out of you. Cincinnati's a great place, but I could probably survive an entire day blindfolded (although the commute would be tricky).

Elevation
This is a strange one ... lately I've been noticing that everything in my apartment, especially in my bedroom, is really low to the ground. I spend more time horizontal than vertical, and it's starting to bug me (to the point of claustrophobia). I think I need to build a loft, get a real bed (instead of just a mattress), maybe just start climbing things. Two dimensional space drives me nuts.

A Woman
My brother's birthday card simply said, "Happy birthday. Get a woman." I don't quite know how this would break the funk, but everyone that has one (a woman, not a funk) seems to agree.

Margin:
Perhaps I just need more space in my life, an absence of activity or commitment or content. I've been clearing up my schedule to allow for this, but it's been hard to see the tangible benefits. I think I've just had so little margin for so many years that I don't know how to appreciate the absence of clutter (I have nothing more to add, but compulsion is driving me to insert yet another witty clarification inside these parentheses).

Whatever. I'm pretty sure blogging about it won't resolve anything, I need to be proactive. This schlepk isn't going to get the best of me ... nope, I need to get off my duff and do something about it.

I'm gonna go lie down on my mattress and watch a movie.

I love voicemail.

So I'm officially a quarter of a century old. Here's what else happenned on November 24th, 1978:

George Harrison played one Apollo and Eric Clapton played the other.
The Dead played the Capitol Theatre too.
Katherine Heigl (of Roswell & Bride of Chucky) was born.
This KISS fan and this blogger were too.
The city of Apache Junction, Arizona was incorporated.
Tom Hanks had a son
Garry Hunter respectfully discussed the dead with Mary Jane.
Amitabh Bachcha got out of bed.
College kids marched against apartheid.
The Incredible Hulk Episode entitled Stop The Presses aired.
The Waterloo Warriors won 96-68.
Robert & Surian began travelling together.
Pope John Paul II gave a speech to the General Superiors.
Investigators found a really happy dead guy.
The L.A. Times reported a huge disc-shaped object in the Mohave.
Someone slacked while welding nukes and air tanks.
Jimmy Carter was called "Satan" by Iran.
Gary Baxter of the Baltimore Ravens popped out too.
Three planes crashed.
Four others had photo shoots.

Whew, I think that's enough for now.

I don't know if you've ever browsed around the web looking at different blogs, but if you have you've probably noticed that there's quite a community out there. This vast interconnected network of websites, where thousands of different authors link and read each other daily, is basically a huge virtual inbred family (no offense, guys ... but you have to admit that it's true).

For the past couple of years I've been consciously avoiding this family ... keeping this website free of blogrolls, blogbacks, links galore, etc. I guess I've looked at that thing as mostly a popularity contest ... a chance for authors to get noticed and get attention. Because it's true ... when you get the coveted link on one of the elite blogs, thousands of new visitors come your way, suddenly interested in what you have to say. It's like high school on crack (again, sorry for the imagery).

On the other hand, I have different fingers.

Moreover, I've started to notice that almost every one of these websites looks basically the same. A header image and two columns of information (posts in one, links in the other), with catchy borders and colors framing the content. Some even look like antique auctions ... cluttered with advertisements and credits and dozens of vendors and such. For a medium that prides itself on individual expression, however, I find all of this to be extremely ironic ... I'd rather have webeldotnet be clean and unique, created without concern for the norm.

Lately, however, I'm starting to think that there's more to this blog community than popularity ... there's a broadening of interests, a sharing of information, and a sort of generosity involved. In fact, there's a whole list of etiquette that's involved ... giving credit where it's due, taking interest in the interests of others, helping answer other people's questions just because they request it. The instant interactive nature of blogs lets real conversations take place. Yes, there's still a power structure and definite need for attention laced throughout, but I'm starting to think about entering the fray. I'd want to be careful not to compromise, to keep my intentions pure, but I think there's some merit there that I've been trying not to acknowledge.

In order to do that, though, I think I'd have to consider a new site design. I'd have to re-examine the purpose of this site, to rethink its synthesis from the ground up. I don't know that many people (other than Wicker and my mom, perhaps) would understand why ... but to me this is an intentional creation. The content would have to fit the container.

It wouldn't be that hard to become popular ... to design something truly unique and inviting (using flash), to start altering the focus of this blog (as an ed-blog), to position myself with the big guns (leaving strategic comments), to provoke acknowledgement by the web at large (by giving visitors a meaningful reason to return). But my motives are a little simpler (and hopefully purer) ... webeldotnet is a chance to explore expressions and impressions (if you haven't already, check out the second half of the 411 to read more about the purpose of this site).

Wait a sec ... why am I telling you people this? Who are you, anyways? Why are you reading this? What's going on here ... can't a guy just get a little privacy around here? It's like papparazzi, following me around like nosey voyeurs or something. This isn't a public space, folks.

Oh ... it is? Uh, nevermind. I'm going to bed.

Cashier: You saved $9.01 today by using your Kroger Plus card.
Lance: No I didn't ... your company jacked the prices up $9, forcing me to go back out to my car just to get this piece of plastic so I could get normal prices. But hey, whatever I can do to help Big Brother track my purchases, right?
Cashier: Oh, ok.
Lance: Have a good evening anyways!
Cashier: You too.

So yesterday I decided to finally use a couple of gift certificates from my students that I've been holding on to for almost a year. i ended up getting a new Belkin iPod Voice Recorder.

Let me tell you ... it's great.

One of the worst things about being a teacher:
Being trapped in a room for an entire hour when you have to pee. I'm about to explode here, boys and girls.

If you find yourself a little downhearted today, in need of a little pick-me-up, check out Microsoft CEO Steve Balmer's enthusiasm about his company (3mb mpg). If that doesn't get you going, I don't know what will.

Have I told you about Webel Humor? It's corny, it's lame, it enduces sudden spasms of rolling eyes. In fact, if you've been around me for more than five minutes you've probably experienced Webel Humor (see the photo below). But Webel Humor, as potent as it may seem, is getting diluted through the generations ... my wit is nothing compared to the pure, unadulterated, nonsensical humor that my father routinely displays. He's got Webel Humor goin' on.



One of the most accurate manifestations of Webel Humor are church signs ... those ever-changing punny marquees that sit in front of churches, flaunting groaners like there's no tomorrow. I always found a subtle humor in those signs ... not because they're funny, but because I could imagine my dad saying those very same things (to every person he knows, one after another, every time followed by the same unbearable grin).

Then last year, in a bout of unimaginable irony, my father was asked to start managing the church sign at Vesper Lake, my home church (notice that the church sign is conspicuously missing from the website). Truly, I thought he had met his calling, a justified opportunity to proudly display phrases-that-make-you- shake-your-head-and-furrow- your-eyebrows-simultaneously (yes, that's a real word) before any unwilling victim that happens to motor down Ghent Road towards Bath, Ohio.

So dad, if you're reading this (on your spiffy new iMac, nonetheless), I thought I'd link a few nifty resources for you. You may want to secure any loose belongings before clicking on these links ... I'm anticipating you ROTFL (for the "older generations" that means Rolling On The Floor Laughing). Enjoy!

Signs and Wonders: the undisputed champion
Church Signs & Bumper Stickers: 1120 groaners
Church Sign Generator: do it yourself
Jesus Hits Like A One Liner: self-explanitory
I Spy Church Sign: a baby list

Another Webelog

My double cousin, Austin, just started a new blog yesterday. I've barely seen this guy over the past few years, but we basically grew up together back in Akron. As the youngest in a long line of Webels that went to Copley Schools and AC Churches, we were cohorts in crime (the harmless kind), hanging out at each others' houses, designing hundreds of great little games, and creating thousands of inside jokes (ok, maybe not thousands, but I had to make the last item in my list really dramatic).

After graduating from the University of Akron (Action U) as an engineer, he spent a year or so out in Richland, Washington. But now he's back in the great buckeye state, and I got to hang out with him (and some other old friends) last time I went home. It was great, laughing my head off at old memories and seeing how everyone has changed in the last few years (and it didn't hurt that we gorged ourselves at Oktoberfest that night).

Anyways, today Austin keenly observes that everything has a 50% chance ... either it happens or it doesn't. Our attempts to control the way this world works are simply quantifications of our observations (in other words, we're just observing the past then guessing about the future). We're not really in as much control as we think.

Welcome, Austin!

Over the past week or so, I've started watching how people end up finding webeldotnet. Somehow people keep getting here by searching for weird things on search engines like Google or MSN.

I've pondered whether or not I should start sharing these searches with you, but after reading a recent post at Rachel's blog (cleverly named b109.com), I was inspired to start sharing.

Here are some searches from the past week:

how do I eliminate clutter?
ice cream sandwich, photo
Appliance direct Florida infomercial
vocabulary words for Mount Saint Helens
movie back my hand got stuck toilet
figure of speech (dead ringer)
violation movie of i am the lord your god, you shall have no other gods before me
webel and bob
"this holiday life"
book communicating with tact and diplomacy
"charlie Zimkus"
"dennis mahoney" and chicago
"sarah pechan"

Hey, if nothing else, it shows that most people don't really know how to use search engines!

[disclaimer: I take no responsibility for other webpages linked in the above search results. Obviously inappropriate links have already been removed]

We've created a new community blog on the PVM website called The PVM Staff Lounge. As the name suggests, it's a place where staff can converse, along with campers and junior staff and families. We'll keep everyone informed on what's going on out there, ask programming questions, share funny stories, and keep in touch with each other throughout the whole year.

Right now there are just 5 authors (Amber, Steph, Sarah, Becky, and myself), but if you are (or were) on staff and would like to contribute just let me know. It's easy to leave posts on whatever you'd like.

On top of that, anyone is welcome to leave comments and input and such. If you involved or interested in it at all, bookmark it! We're not going to promote it specifically, we're just gonna let people discover it on there own (it's just cooler that way, right?).

"Movies are the literature of our generation."

-- James Orr, 11/15/03, in the Maynard hot tub

Mmm, Tastes Like Mud!

Ice cream sounded like a great snack tonight (as I watch Miami trample the Marshall herd). So I picked up a quart of the one that said this on the front:

Mud Pie
Chocolate Sandwich Cookies and Fudge Swirls in Creamy Ice Cream

Sounds good, eh? Except for the fact that I missed one word:

Mud Pie
Chocolate Sandwich Cookies and Fudge Swirls in Creamy Coffee Ice Cream

Absolutely nasty. I can't believe I just wasted $2.63.

Time's Fun When You're Having Flies

A month or two ago the school photo company came to the middle school to take photos of the kiddies. Forgetting that I needed to have my photo taken too (for the yearbook), I didn't go down all day.

When I realized my mistake, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity. I emailed our school's yearbook coordinator, Mrs. Swartwout, to try to convince her to print this photo of kermit in the yearbook instead of my photo. How sweet would that be?

Unfortunately, however, today was the make-up day for school photos, and I was told that I needed to get my photo taken. I knew that doing so would decrease the chances that I could get the kermit photo in the yearbook, but I dutifully and obediently went down to the camerawoman anyways.

So I'm redoubling my efforts, lobbying with all resources that I have at my disposal in an effort to influence the publishers.

It's not easy being green.

Introspeculation

I have a hunch that my lack of experience with intimacy in relationships is greatly detracting from my ability to experience intimacy with the Almighty. I've never had a truly intimate friendship or romantic relationship (for some very good reasons) ... but I'm starting to long to go that extra step in my relationship with God. Must I really wait?

Father, please grant me patience and trust, that I may one day know you fully, even as I am now fully known.

For Sale

Plug 'n Pray

Choosing a religion has never been easier.

[via MeFi & Relevant]

Ferociously Eliminating Clutter

It's been nearly a week since I last made a blog entry ... and yet it amazes me that many of you still check back so regularly. Thanks ... I don't do it for you, but I still appreciate the fact that you care. About me, about the blog, about filling your time ... I'm just glad that you care enough to stop by. Thanks.

Posts will probably start getting more sporadic now ... the mysterious and generous stranger in my apartment building that has been broadcasting a free WiFi signal for the past couple of months either moved or unplugged his base station. Thus, I'm no longer getting a free high speed Internet connection. Bummer, it was nice while it lasted. In the end, it's probably a good thing, as I'll spend much less futile time online. This Internet is a drug.

Earlier this week I talked to my manager at Apple about dropping my hours down in the coming months, for personal and family reasons. I promised her that I wouldn't discuss details of that arrangement publicly, but I wanted to post some of my request here:

In a sense, this is a request for "family reasons." You see, the thing that concerns me the most is that my relationship with God has been suffering. Because I never get a free weekend, I am never getting the opportunity to spend quality time with the most important Person in my life. I try not to bring that up in the workplace (mixing "religion" in), but thinking about it as a "family reason" might be a better way to understand why ... it's kinda like a guy that just needs to step back and spend more time with his wife. I never want to be someone to let work come in the way of my relationships.

Can you keep me accountable for this decision? It's easy to become materialistic or centered on things of this world when you work for a company as amazing (in the ways of this world) as Apple. For instance, today I got a raise, saw some of the future of where Apple is heading (at our annual holiday party), and received over $600 worth of gifts from Apple (sorry, I can't tell you what just yet, it's a secret). Not bad for a part-time job. But the reality is that this stuff has absolutely no eternal significance ... it's going to burn just like the rest of this world. I'm simply there to learn ... to serve and know people and understand the way-it-all-works.

And I run into the same thing at CHCA ... even though my purpose there is vastly different.

One of my deep desires this year has been to ferociously eliminate clutter from my life. The past couple of weeks have allowed me to methodically make a dent in this area, cleaning up stuff, ideas, unfinished business, spaces, and projects. I have quite a few to go, but I'm pretty confident that the baggage I've been carrying and picking up over the last few years will be slowly disappearing over the next few months. That's a good thing. A real good thing.

Here are some examples: I'm sleeping on completely clean bedding. The hard drive on the G4 used at camp and school is completely reorganized and cleaned out. I just took a bath with bubble bath and salt crystals. A huge 4-year nagging problem with the PVM website is finally getting solved this week. All my animals are living healthily, with clean cages and plenty of food. There's not one hair on my bathroom floor. I now have 2-3 nights free per week, to simply go to the park, go home and watch a movie, run errands, or read. I'm actually on top of my inbox in Outlook. I can invite 40-50 students into my classroom to watch Finding Nemo during their lunch period. God is blessing PVM's 2004 summer camp program immensely (hint: The Treasure of Pirate's Cove). My pantry shelves are almost exclusively occupied by food I actually eat (aside from 25 packages of Ramen). I just gave away 10 shirts to Goodwill. I woke up early this morning.

Yeah, it's a real good thing.

Miscellance

I just got done watching my beloved Miami Redhawks trounce the 20th ranked (15th AP) Bowling Green Falcons on ESPN2. Ben Roethlisberger blew everyone's socks off, as usual, and it looks like we may finally be getting some national respect. It'll be interesting to see where we're ranked after that one. Especially after next Wednesday, when Ben will run over Marshall (again on ESPN2) en route to a Heismann bid (not that anyone in the MAC will ever win it).

Logitech just released something sweet ... it's called the io Personal Digital Pen. You write in ink with this pen and it records everything you write to your computer, converting it to text and allowing you to organize drawings and notes wirelessly and digitally. I think it's the start of something new ... a $350 start right now, but a start nonetheless. I'd love to have a copy of every pass I write, note I jot, and doodle I scratch!

Now would (for some reason) be a good time to tell you about Found Magazine. Entertain yourself while seeing how much accidental remnants can reveal about a person.

Finally, I also just found out that webeldotnet is listed at the ageless project. Sweet.

Weird.

I just found out that it's really easy to send my phone a text message. I hope it's free ... I've got some fun ideas.

Free At Last.

I just walked through a guitar class, surrounded by a cacophony of chaotic sounds, when I suddenly heard, in a bold voice above the crowd, a student proclaiming the following:

I have a dream,
That one day,
Chickens,
Will be able to cross the road,
Without their intentions being questioned.
I have a dream.